


Clean

by Ghoul_FunGhoul



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, Frerard, Loosely based off the Killjoys story, M/M, very loosely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3484055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoul_FunGhoul/pseuds/Ghoul_FunGhoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I could almost feel his presence, like he was coming up from behind me to wrap his arms around me. He used to do that when no one else was watching. I could practically smell his distinct scent. It was dirty and bloody and greasy, but it was home, and it was him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. North of Zone 6: Part One

22.

     It was four in the morning, but I was wide awake. Panic coursed through me all night; I wondered if Kobra and Jet had made it back to Dr. D. What if dracs had followed them and killed them? I felt my heart start beating faster. I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to slow it down with long, deep, quiet breaths. Even though I couldn’t find sleep in my restless mind, I would not be the one to disturb Ghoul in his sleep. He slept the least out of the four of us. And considering all the hours I was awake, that was saying a lot.

      He looked peaceful for once when he finally slept. I noticed the way his hard features softened in slumber, it made him look like a child. His long black hair swept in front of his face in the desert breeze, but it didn’t wake him. I longed for my friends to be safe, but that was something we all knew I couldn’t promise. Instead, I cherished the few moments I got to see them at peace. If that meant they were sleeping while I stayed awake, then I would spend countless nights without sleep.

      At some point while I was studying Fun Ghoul, I started to doze off. My heart rate had slowed down to a normal speed, and exhaustion began to wash over me. Just as my eyelids were drooping closed, I heard the gentle roar of a car. Instantly, I knew it could only belong to one car: the Trans Am. I snapped my eyes open and pushed myself up out of the dirt. I left Ghoul sleeping--we had found an area of tall, dried out grass to hide in while the other two were gone.

      I looked back only once, he was so deep in slumber that not even the ever increasing volume of the nearing car could wake him. I jogged a ways away from where he was sleeping to stop Kobra from coming too close. Any closer than where I stood would surely wake Ghoul. I really wanted him to get as much sleep as possible.

     As soon as Kobra saw me, he slowed the Trans Am so that it rolled to a stop right in front of me. Once he pulled up, I realized that my heart had started racing again. I now had solid proof that this was my brother and friend, not some drac trying to fool me. What did catch me off guard was the bloody gash that cut through his jacket on his right arm.

     “Where’s Ghoul at?” Kobra asked. He turned off the car and the silence almost rang louder than the engine had. “You didn’t leave him somewhere alone did you? Remember what happened last time.”

     Images and memories of dead dracs, a distraught Fun Ghoul, and a leg wound that would take months to heal flashed in my mind. I physically shook them from my head and pointed my thumb behind me. “He’s just over there, man. He’s been asleep this entire time. What took you so long? What happened to your arm?”

     Kobra looked over at Jet and let out a sigh. “How about you wake up Ghoul, and meet us back here. I’ll tell you everything on the way to the North of the zone.”

     “Whatever,” I mumbled. I turned around and walked a few paces. Then I sped into a jog to find that Ghoul still hadn’t moved from his sleeping spot. If he hadn’t been lightly snoring, I would’ve thought he was a dead body. The thought sent a chill up my spine.

     “Ghoul,” I whispered harshly. He still didn’t move. I crouched down beside him. “Fun Ghoul, come on, wake up,” I said a little louder. This time, I got a little movement from him, but he was still sound asleep. I leaned over him and shook his shoulder. “Fun Ghoul, you need to wake up. Kobra and Jet are back. We’ve got to move. You can sleep in the car.” A small groan escaped his lips, but he just rolled onto his stomach. “I swear if you don’t get up, I’m using your real name.” Even though he didn’t move, a little smile showed from behind his hair. “Alright, Fra-”

     “Okay, okay, ow!” he cut me off when he pushed himself up and our heads collided with each other. “Geez, Party, you’ve got a hard head.” He rubbed his head, messing up his hair even more. He sat down and collected his things that he had set down beside him before falling asleep.

     I stood up and looked down at him. After slinging his holster around his back and shoving his gun back into place, he stretched his arms up to the sky. I heard a loud popping noise come from his back and scrunched up my nose at the sound. He then reached his hand to me and I grabbed it. With a grunt, I pulled him to his feet. When he sprung to the air, he lost his footing and fell into me. I caught him easily and steadied him.

     “Ready to go?” I asked after we awkwardly pushed away from each other.

     “Yeah. Let’s go,” he yawned.

     As we walked back, he looked around him. It was getting lighter outside, but stars still shone in certain parts of the night sky. “How long was I asleep, Party?”

     “I don’t know, maybe three, four hours?”

     He scrunched up his face like sleeping that long was repulsing. “What were you doing all that time? I assume not sleeping.” He laughed.

     “How could I? Not with Kobra and Jet gone and you asleep.”

     “You should’ve woke me up. I could’ve waited while you slept,” he said. He was genuine about it, but I could still see the weariness that had permanently etched itself into his features.

     “I wouldn’t’ve slept anyway, Ghoul. You know I get anxious when Mikey’s away. I worry about him when he’s not with me.”

     He smiled up at me. “I know you do, Party. But Kobra’s a big kid now. He doesn’t always need you looking after him. And Jet’s not going to let anything happen to him either. I wouldn’t either. I wouldn’t let anything happen to any of you.”

     I returned the smile as we approached the Trans Am. “I know that, Ghoul.”

     At the car, Jet got out of the passenger seat, and Kobra climbed over to take his spot. I sat in the driver’s seat as Ghoul jumped into his spot next to Jet Star in the back. I turned the key in the ignition, and the Trans Am roared to life once again.

     As I gripped the steering wheel, I felt the vibrations of the car surge past my gloves and through my entire body. Just as I saw the sun start its climb into the sky, I pressed my foot on the gas and took off from our final resting spot of the night.

     After driving for a few minutes, Kobra turned in his seat so that Ghoul and I could hear his recount of his and Jet’s trip.

     They had left just past midnight from our resting spot. We needed to get word back to Dr. D that we wouldn’t be back for a couple of weeks. There were parts of Zone 6 in the North that we wanted to check out. We were already up further North than we had been before, but Jet figured we should let someone know where we were just in case something happened. Kobra volunteered to go back with Jet, so they left as soon as they could.

     I had wanted Ghoul to go with Jet so I could watch over Kobra, but Ghoul advised against it. He usually told me I was being too “motherly” over my brother, and it was true, but I still wanted to look after him. I had to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble.

     While they drove back, they ran into two dracs near the edge of Zone 5. Then, Kobra explained the gash on his arm.

     “We had them on the ropes, Jet and I did,” he said excitedly. “Then out of no where, a third drac shows up! Jet managed to shoot one of the original two down, and I was about to take out the second, but the damn third one shot me in the arm!” He looked from me to Jet. The other encouraged him to go on. “Anyway, we dusted both of them before they could really do any harm.”

     “‘Before they could do any harm’?!” I shouted over the loud engine. “Mikey, they shot you! You got hurt!”

     “Oh, I’m fine, Gee,” he waved his hand at me. “Dr. D stitched me up once we got there. The worst those dracs did was ruin my jacket.”

     I grumbled about him needing to be careful, but he didn’t hear me.

     “Well, once we got to Dr. D, he said to be careful up North. He said we may need to keep our eyes out for more than dracs up there, whatever that means.”

     Their trip back was less eventful. They drove straight back to us and didn’t meet any other obstacles on the road.

     “So, what did you two do while we were on our little adventure?” Kobra asked me.

     “Well, Ghoul slept, and I didn’t. Why don’t you just ask h-” I looked into the rearview mirror and saw that Fun Ghoul was slumped against Jet Star in the back seat. At some point in Kobra’s story, he had fallen asleep again.

     “Is there something wrong with Ghoul, Party?” Kobra asked me. His voice was tinged with concern, but he no one would’ve been able to tell with the apathetic frown that always rested on his face.

     I glanced back again at the sleeping Ghoul. “He’s just tired, Kobra. He hasn’t been sleeping much. I think he just needs to catch up on some of the hours he’s missed.”

     “Oh,” he said. “Well, what about you, Party? Don’t you need to sleep, too?”

     I looked over and smiled. “I will once we get a little further up North. Thanks, though, Kobra.” I reached over and clasped my hand on his shoulder.

    At that point, the Trans Am was crossing over an unpaved road and shook over the bumpy ground. After a few seconds of that, Fun Ghoul sat up with a snort escaping from him. The three of us laughed as he quickly looked around him.

     “Nice to see you awake, Sleeping Beauty,” Jet teased.

     “Nice to see you ugly, Ugly Stepmother,” Ghoul retorted groggily.

     I shook my head at them. We were nearing the Northernmost area of Zone 6, but I wasn’t sure if we should stop now or keep going. My eyelids were getting heavier as I drove, and I knew I wouldn’t be of much use with little to no sleep in the past two days.

     As if reading my thoughts, Kobra said, “How about we switch places, Gee.”

     “Good idea,” I nodded my head. I looked around and didn’t see any sign that we were being followed or that there were any dracs in the vicinity. I pulled over the Trans Am and got out. As soon as Kobra jumped back into the driver’s seat, Jet hopped into his empty seat. “Really?” I asked.

     “What, you can’t sit next to Ghoul? Been with him too long?” Jet joked.

     “No, but you seem to like spending time with Kobra,” I made a kissy face at him, and he reached out the door to slap me as I walked past him.

     I slid in next to Fun Ghoul who gave me a sleepy smile. “Your turn to sleep, Party?”

     “Yeah, so I hope you make a good pillow, Ghoul.”

     I rested my head on his shoulder as Kobra started to drive again. He patted my red hair and laughed. “You know I do.”

     I smiled with my eyes closed and almost instantaneously fell asleep.


	2. North of Zone 6: Part Two

21.

     We spent most of our first day in the North driving. I woke up an hour later, and Kobra had pulled over to the side of the road right before I had woken up. Ghoul had fallen asleep again, and his head rested on top of mine, so I woke him when I sat up.

     When we had both waken up, I took the driver’s seat again, but I only switched places with Kobra. For the rest of the journey, I sat next to Jet. He turned TMG&MK up as we drove--I don’t think he likes the silence of driving. Even though I personally enjoyed the opportunity to think in silence, I was soon slapping the steering wheel in beat with the song.

     It took all day to get all the way up North. We took a few stops, eating what we had when we could. When we got there, it was nearing midnight again, so I pulled the Trans Am over for the night. Since Ghoul and I had slept throughout the day, we sat in the front seat as Kobra and Jet curled into the back to sleep.

     Unintentionally, I started to drift off after a few hours, but then I felt a hand hit my face repeatedly.

     “What the f-”

     “Dracs!” Ghoul shouted.

     He reached into the back of the car and slapped the other two awake.

    I started the car, but it was taking too long to get going. “Come on, come on, come on,” I muttered. I got kicked in the shoulder as Kobra and Ghoul switched places again without exiting car. Before either got settled into the seats, the car roared to life, and I slammed on the gas. Ghoul lurched back into the seat, but quickly recovered his bearings and got up to match Jet’s position. They both stood in the back to see over the top of the car.

     Kobra was hanging out the window trying to see behind us, but the dirt that the tires tossed up blinded him.

     “Looks like we've got a gang of four!” Jet called down to us. “Two on motorcycles, two in a car. Kobra! Can you get the bikers?”

     “My pleasure!” he called.

     I looked back and saw the dracs speeding up behind us. I stepped on the pedal hard and sent Jet and Ghoul slamming against the metal of the car’s roof.

     “Oof. Easy there, Party!” Ghoul shouted as the bar rammed into his stomach.

     “Sorry!” I called angrily.

     I could see the dracs clearly now, but they seemed to be far away. We could easily outrun them at this point, or stop to get ourselves prepared for a fight.

     I must have eased off the gas a bit because Ghoul yelled at me to keep going. “What are you doing, Party Poison?! Don’t slow down! We’re too far away to shoot at them yet!”

     “If we keep going we won’t have the chance to shoot ‘em!” Kobra shouted.

     “Do we want to outrun them or fight them?” Jet asked.

     They all looked to me for a decision, and I was already slowing the Trans Am down. But I was too slow in my decision making. I heard the shot before I saw it. Suddenly, a bright light flashed through the air and hit Fun Ghoul in his left shoulder.

     “Frank!” I shouted as I turned around to see that he dropped to the seat. His right hand clutched his shoulder as blood poured from the wound. In that second, several memories of us together flashed through my mind.

     “Party, focus on the road! We've got this!” Kobra was jumping to the back again.

     I turned back around just in time to swerve and miss a large rock that sat in the road. In the rear view mirror, I could see Jet and Kobra shooting at the dracs and Ghoul laying beneath them trying to get his shoulder to stop bleeding. Kobra shot out the tires on one of the motorcycles, sending the drac riding it through the air. Jet was trying to do the same to the other bike, but was having trouble aiming it just right. The entire time, Ghoul was moaning on the floor board from the pain.

     Kobra was dodging as many shots as he could and shooting back at the dracs, but he had to duck into the car a few times to avoid fatal hits. Jet finally shot one of the car’s tires by accident. While it slowed to a stop, one of the dracs hopped out and onto the back of the other drac’s bike.

     “I can’t hit the damn bike!” Jet shouted. “Kobra! Come on!”

     Kobra popped back up and sent an array of shots towards the dracs. However, they were also shooting at us, so they had to duck away every once and a while. Ghoul was still struggling with his shoulder.

     “We can’t hit them! Party, switch with Jet! Let him drive!” Kobra yelled.

     “Kobra, I can’t move! I’ll send the Trans Am into a tree if I let go! Then we’ll be screwed for sure!” I knew that I was the best shot since Ghoul was injured, but I couldn't risk letting go of the wheel.

     Before I had time to come up with a plan, I saw Ghoul pull himself off the floor board and use Kobra’s shoulder to bring himself all the way up. He let go of his bleeding shoulder and grabbed the gun out of Kobra’s hand.

     “Ghoul, what are you doing?” Kobra asked.

     His left arm hung limp at his side, but Ghoul took aim at the driver of the bike and shot once, twice, three times. The first two hit the drac and the last blew out the front tire. The drac in the back flipped over and landed on a nearby cactus.

     After the dracs were taken care of, Ghoul fell forward on the back window of the Trans Am. Kobra grabbed his arm and retrieved his gun. Jet wrapped his arms around Ghoul’s waist and pulled him into the seat between him and Kobra.

     “Ghoul! Fun Ghoul! Come on, man!” Jet shook him, but all Ghoul did was groan in pain.

     “What’s going on back there?” I called. I could see Ghoul’s face from the mirror, but I couldn't tell what was going on. “Is he saying anything?”

     “Gee, he’s not _saying_ anything!” Kobra shouted at me. “He’s just groaning. We've gotta get somewhere to patch him up, Party! I don’t think he’s lost a lot of blood yet, but if we don’t do anything, he might!”

     “Kobra! You’re going to take the wheel. Get us somewhere safe,” I commanded.

     He shot me a look of confusion but swiftly climbed to the front seat. I wasn't driving as fast anymore, so it was a bit easier for him to take the wheel from the passenger seat while I climbed to the back than it would have been for Jet earlier. After I was in the back, he leaped into the driver’s seat.

     Jet was trying to apply pressure to the wound, but he couldn't keep Ghoul from squirming around in pain.

     “Ray, sit sideways and put his head in your lap. Just try to calm him down, I’ll keep pressure on his shoulder,” I instructed.

     Jet immediately turned around in the seat and cradled Ghoul’s head. “It’s going to be okay, Ghoul. You’ll be fine,” he started to say calm things in hopes that Ghoul could even hear them. I tried to use his soothing words to keep me calm as well. There was no way I was going to lose Ghoul like this.

     After taking a deep breath, I jumped into action. I didn't have any clean cloths, but there was an old rag that hadn't been used in a while on the floor board. I grabbed it and stuck it in my pocket. His vest and shirt were burned and torn, so I went ahead and took the liberty of ripping off the fabric where it covered the wound.

     I placed one hand behind Ghoul’s shoulder and the other above it with the old rag. It wasn't the most convenient way to keep it from bleeding, but it was the best way for it to work in the back seat of a car. I straddled him with my knee between his leg and the back of the seat and by other leg on the floor board.

     “Ghoul, I’m going to put pressure on your shoulder, okay?” I said to him, wondering if he was even paying attention, or if he had lost consciousness yet.

     He groaned in response, so I guessed he had heard me.

     I pushed my hands together, and when I did, Ghoul let out the most horrendous cry of pain I had ever heard. None of us had ever gotten shot in the shoulder, so I wasn't sure if it was any worse than the leg or a graze on the arm, but from what he seemed to be experiencing made me assume it was a lot worse.

     “Ghoul, you’re going to be fine. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Jet’s words kept breaking into my thoughts as I kept applying pressure to the wound.

     It felt like I was kneeling over Ghoul for hours, and he had eventually fallen asleep, but Kobra eventually pulled the car onto the side of the road underneath a lone tree. Kobra hopped out and opened the door behind Jet.

     I used the hand holding the rag to hold myself up and slid my other hand behind Ghoul’s head while Jet climbed out of the car. Together, Jet and Kobra slid him out from underneath me. After he was out, I jumped out of the car. Jet had him cradled in his arms. The bleeding had stopped, but there was no telling what kind of pain he was going to be in when he woke up. I could see the discomfort on his face even while he slept.

     I opened up the trunk of the Trans Am and looked everywhere to see if we even had some sort of first aid kit. After a few minutes, I finally found an old box that had a few bandages and strips of gauze. There was also a water bottle in the back with warm water from the day before.

     Jet set Ghoul down in the trunk and got to work. I watched closely as he gently removed the rag from his shoulder. Thankfully the blood hadn't really clotted to the rag, so it didn't rip and reopen the wound when he removed it. He poured the water over the wound and made sure it was dry after cleaning it out.

     Kobra had been pacing behind me, but now he joined my side. “You okay?”

     I looked at him and just stared for a few seconds. I then turned my attention back to Ghoul. “No,” I answered shortly. It wasn't that I was mad. I was just freaked out. When he had gotten shot in first place, I was so sure that he had gotten shot in the heart. I remembered all the times we had been together, alone or not.

     Ghoul made me laugh all the time. I felt a sense of homeliness when I was with him. I felt safe when he was with me. I got peace out of knowing he was okay. All of that seemed to be taken away from me instantaneously when he got shot. But he wasn't taken away. He was just hurt. He would be okay, just like Jet said.

     “He’ll be okay, Party. I promise,” Kobra gave me a little smile.

     I was going to respond, but then Jet called me over. Just as he was about to wrap the wound with the bandages and gauze, Ghoul had started to stir in his sleep.

     “I need you to keep him still while I wrap his shoulder,” Jet instructed calmly.

     “Okay.” I sat down on the edge of the trunk, making the car lower closer to the ground. When the car moved, Ghoul snapped his eyes open. He began to fly up, but Jet and I both stopped him and guided him back down. “Ghoul, you've got to let Jet Star wrap your shoulder.”

     He groaned loudly. “What happened? I don’t remember anything from right after I got shot,” he said through clenched teeth.

     As Jet wrapped the gauze around his shoulder, I ran my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed a bit.

     “You fell to the ground,” I said. “Kobra and Jet were struggling to shoot down the last dracs, so you got up and shot them down pretty quickly. Then, I think you passed out. Jet and I kept pressure on your shoulder until we got here.”

     “Done,” Jet announced. He climbed out of the trunk and took a drink of water from the fresh bottle he had.

     “Thanks,” Ghoul grumbled. He began to sit back up, but a look of nausea swept over his face as he did so.

     “How are you feeling?” Jet asked.

     “Aside from the burning pain in my shoulder that makes me want to vomit?” Ghoul said with his usual tone of sarcasm. “I’m great. A little tired. A little hungry. But great.”

     “Guys, we've got to go. Those dracs that survived are either going to come for us or go back and report our movement,” Kobra warned.

     “He’s right,” Ghoul agreed. “We can’t just stop our trip because I got a little wound.”

     “It’s not little,” I grumbled.

     “Come on, Party, we need to go. If you want, I’ll drive. You can sit in back with Ghoul,” Jet volunteered.

     “Okay, whatever,” I said a little too grumpily.

     Ghoul raised an eyebrow in confusion but climbed out of the truck so that I could close it. Jet opened the door for him and shut it after he plopped down into the seat. I slid in next to him on the other side and then we were off.

     The wind was loud, but the music rivaled its volume. Next to me, Fun Ghoul was taking deep breaths with his eyes closed. He looked like he was going to get sick at any moment.

     “Are you going to be okay?” I leaned over so that he could hear me.

     “I think so,” he answered slowly. He opened his eyes and looked at me. “Are you?”

     “I think I will be now,” I answered truthfully. “You scared the living hell out of me back there, Ghoul. I thought you were-” I stopped, unable to let the thought of him dying cross my mind again.

     “I’m not dead, Gerard,” he whispered so only I could hear. “I’m not going anywhere without you.” He leaned over so that he could rest his head on my chest. He smelled like sweat and dirt and blood and oil, but somehow they all combined to smell like home. “I won’t leave you, Party.”

     “Good,” I said. I wrapped my arm around him and ran my fingers through his greasy, black hair. We sat like that until Jet pulled over a few hours later. We were all hungry and hadn't seen any dracs in a while, so we figured we were safe for now.

     “I think we’ll have to get out of the North sooner than we thought,” Kobra said as we ate. “Now that the dracs know we’re here, they’re going to send out tons of them to track us down. They won’t skip this opportunity.”

     “I know,” I said after finishing off my can of beans. “But we haven’t even looked around yet. And we also can’t keep Ghoul out here without having any supplies.”

     “Hey now, don’t worry about me,” Ghoul said. “I've got nerves of steel. I’ll be fine for a couple weeks!”

     “Sure you will,” Kobra said under his breath.

     “I heard that.”

     I laughed at their petty argument. I knew, though, that Ghoul would need to get that wound properly cleaned up before long. If not, it would start to get infected. I really couldn't lose him like that.

     We then decided to head up as far North as possible this evening and then find a place to stop for the night. Each of us would take even shifts to make sure no one fell asleep at the wrong time. Except Ghoul. He would sleep the entire night. We didn't tell him that part.


	3. North of Zone 6: Part Three

20.

     The first full day up North was uneventful. We didn’t encounter any dracs or anything else, for that matter. I was beginning to think that there was nothing up here, but I knew that Dr. D wouldn’t just tell us to be careful for nothing. Something, or someone, was making a name up here that we hadn’t encountered yet. I was determined to find out what it was.

     Ghoul was doing better now that he had had a full night’s sleep. At first, he was pissed that no one woke him up to take a watch shift, but he later thanked me for letting him rest. He said he didn’t feel as sick anymore, but dizziness still affected his walking.

     Once we had been driving around for several hours, I was starting to think that maybe Dr. D had just heard a rumor. There was nothing up here except dirt, rocks, and us. I decided that our trip would just have to be shorter than we planned. Also, I really wanted to get Ghoul back as soon as possible.

     When we walked around, away from the Trans Am for a while at one point in the day, he was stumbling around so bad that Kobra had to keep him steady as we went on. That was the point that I knew I had to get him back as quickly as I could.

     “I think we should head back,” I suggested.

     “Party, we’ve only been here for a day,” Kobra argued. “We haven’t even found anything up here yet!”

     “That’s just it, Kobra. We haven’t seen anything. There’s nothing up here to see. And,” I paused, looking at Ghoul. He was so winded from walking around and leaned entirely on Kobra. “We just need to get back.”

     “Party’s right, Kobra,” Jet chimed in. “We need to get back. And there is nothing up here to see. We’ll just be wasting our time. And the dracs will have more time to locate us if we stay up here. It’s best we go back.”

     “Yeah,” Ghoul huffed. “Let’s go back.”

     When Ghoul said he wanted to go back, Kobra wrapped his arm around him and nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

     Jet and I joined at their sides as we walked back to the Trans Am. There was nothing for us here, and Ghoul would be too hurt to carry on for too long. We walked all the way back to the car in silence. The only noise was the wind and the occasional grunt of pain from Ghoul. When we got back to the car, we took a few minutes to take inventory of the food we had left. Once we knew there was enough, we went ahead and ate a bit to get us through the drive.

     Once we were done, we were on the road again. Our music was blasting through the speakers for all the dust and trees in desert to hear. It seemed almost weird that there were no disturbances on the drive. With the group that Kobra and Jet had encountered at the beginning of our trip, and the ones who shot Ghoul, I was sure we would come up on something on this trip. But we were an hour into our drive, and there were no signs of any dracs near us.

     As if reading my thoughts, Kobra said, “Maybe none of them made it back to give out our location.”

     I frowned as I quickly glanced into the rear view mirror. “Maybe,” I grumbled. There wasn’t anything behind us; no dracs were following us. There weren’t any coming at us. Something was off. I could feel it. “Kobra, something’s gonna happen.”

     “You’re just worried because of Ghoul. We’ll be fine. There are days that we don’t see any dracs, you know.”

     “I know, Kobra, but,” I just shook my head. “Something feels off. I just have this nagging thought in the back of my mind.”

     Kobra dropped the conversation, but after another thirty minutes of peaceful driving, I was starting to think that maybe I was just overreacting. Ghoul was awake right now, but was idly staring out the window. He looked okay, but I was curious as to how much pain he was really in. He wasn’t one to vocalize when he needed something, so I doubted he would tell us if he was in a lot of pain.

     “I guess I was just worried, Kobra,” I finally admitted.

     “I knew you were,” he joked. “I’m usually right about those things.”

     I laughed with him. “Yeah you a-”

     A shot rang through the air from somewhere to my left. I tried to swerve off the road so I could figure out where the shooter came from--there was no sign of anyone around us--but the shot hit the front tire of the Trans Am causing me to skid before I could pull to the side of the dirt road. I gripped the steering wheel tight and tried to take control of the car.

     “What the hell?!” Ghoul shouted from the back seat.

     “Come on!” I yelled at the car.

     “Party, who was that?” Jet asked. “Who shot us?”

     “I don’t see any dracs!” Kobra shouted back. “There’s no one following us!”

     The car still skidded around. Just as I was about to take control of it again, another shot blasted the tire again. Luckily, I had slowed down so that the impact with the nearest tree didn’t send us all flying out of the car. However, we all did get a violent jerk forward as the car and tree collided.

     Kobra began to get out of the car. I followed suit and looked around for our attackers. Jet and Ghoul stood in the back of the car in search.

     I looked forward and saw two figures jump over a fallen tree from several yards ahead of us. From the looks of them, they weren’t dracs. Their identities weren’t hidden by masks. I never got a chance to really look at them because as soon as they hit the ground running, they were aiming their guns right at us and shooting.

     “Get down!” I commanded.

     I slid over the hood of the car and pulled Kobra down to the ground as we were showered with the lasers shot from the guns. Jet and Ghoul dropped into the car and hid behind the seats. Jet stood back up and started shooting at the two coming at us. I heard him curse and drop back down. My immediate thought was that he had gotten shot, but I didn’t see any wound on him.

     “Party, we’ve got a bigger problem!” he warned. “Dracs are riding up!”

     I groaned and crawled to the bumper of the car. The two attackers were still coming to us, but they had stopped running. Now walking at a cautious pace, they were back up by about a dozen dracs on motorcycles.

     “Kobra! Get over here and help me!” I shouted.

     I finally set my arm up on the trunk of the Trans Am and took aim at the two attackers. From what I could see, it was one girl and one guy. They had standard issue, white guns, but neither wore the typical drac outfit.

     I shot at the guy and hit his arm. After he dropped his gun, with a look of shock on his face, Kobra shot him right in the neck. From the car, Jet shot at the girl but just barely missed. Instead, he shot a drac that had ditched their bike and started running at us.

     “Guys, we’ve gotta move!” I shouted. “We can come back for the car! Come on! Jet, grab Ghoul!”

     Jet dropped back into the car, but Ghoul pushed him out the door. “I’m fine! Go!”

     “Fun Ghoul!” I yelled.

     “Go!” he used his right arm to pull himself out of the car behind Jet. After slamming the door, he quickly removed his gun from his holster. His left arm hung at his side, completely useless, but he didn’t need it to shoot at the dracs. Even with a bum arm, Ghoul dusted at least three of them.

     I jogged backwards with Kobra running ahead of me. I aimed past Ghoul and shot at the girl again. My aim wasn’t off, but she was fast--really fast. She dropped and rolled out of the way of the shot before it even got to her.

     “Damn! What is she?” Jet asked.

     “I don’t know! Keep running!” I shouted.

     Ghoul was behind the rest of us. I tried to keep up with Kobra, but I couldn’t leave him behind. He already couldn’t cover as much ground as the rest of us because of his short legs, and with the injury, he was so distracted by the pain that he kept stumbling over his feet as he ran. He would fall forward, then shoot behind him.

     I slowed down to try to get behind him, and Jet ran past me.

     “Make sure Mikey’s okay!” I yelled.

     “Party, what are you doing?” He asked as he ran by.

     “Making sure Ghoul stays safe!”

     “Party, I’m fine! Go!” Ghoul shouted.

     As soon as he took his attention off moving, he fell completely forward. His instinct was to reach out to stop himself, but when his hands hit the ground, the shock went up his arm. He let out a bone chilling scream and collapsed into the dirt.

     He tried to get up, but it was no use. I slid into him and noticed that tears were falling from his eyes.

     “Party! You’ve- you’ve got to go!” he said between coughing up dirt. “Get on! Go!”

     “No, Ghoul!” I leaned forward and knelt in front of him. I aimed at the dracs coming towards us. I shot at them and tried to cover Ghoul as best as I could. “You’ve got to get up! You need to go!”

     “Gerard!” He shouted. “Please! Go!”

     I took my attention off the dracs for a split second to look down at him, and one shot at us. I couldn’t move fast enough, so the shot hit Ghoul in the leg.

     A yelp escaped from him as I aimed at the shooter and killed them.

     Jet and Kobra ran back to us and tried to help me cover Ghoul.

     “Jet, can you carry him?” I asked.

     “Yeah!” he scooped up Ghoul even as he protested.

     Kobra covered us as we got up. We started running again as the dracs shot at us. We were getting quite a ways away when all of a sudden, Jet and Ghoul fell. Ghoul fell out of his arms and rolled away, crying in pain as he tumbled through the dirt.

     Kobra pulled Jet up, and I ran to get Ghoul, but there was a drac closer.

     “No!”

     “Party, go!” he yelled at me between yelps of pain.

     I had no plan of leaving him, but Kobra pulled me behind a rock to take cover with him and Jet as the dracs shot at us.

     “No! Fun Ghoul! Frank! No! Mikey, let me go!” I tried to get out of my brother’s grasp, but he held me down.

     “Gee, we can’t lose you, too!” he yelled. “Gee, I can’t lose you!”

     My chest heaved up and down. I didn't hear any shots. They weren't shooting anymore. What were they waiting for? I finally escaped my brother’s arms and looked over the rock. The dracs were retreating. I didn't see Fun Ghoul.

     I jumped over the rock and looked around. “Ghoul!” I shouted. Then I saw his limp body in the arms of one of the dracs. “No!” I ran after them.

     “Party! Wait!” Jet called behind me. The two were running with me, and the dracs were shooting at us again, keeping us away.

     “Fun Ghoul!” I yelled, as if calling his name would bring him back.

     They were too far away. I couldn't run after them. The car had a flat tire now. I wouldn’t catch up. I was willing to run, though. I was going to run after the dracs and die trying to get Ghoul back, but my knees gave out. I collapsed to the ground and huffed loudly. Kobra dropped next to me.

     “Party,” he said. “Party, we can’t reach them. I- I’m sorry.”

     I couldn't tell that tears had formed in my eyes, but they suddenly fell down my face. I shuddered harshly and let the sobs come out.

     “Fun Ghoul,” I sobbed.

     Jet and Kobra rubbed my back and shoulders as I cried. All the while, I could have been chasing the dracs. I could have gotten Ghoul back. Instead, I stayed with my brother and cried.


	4. North of Zone 6: Part Four

19.

18.

     Kobra drove that day and the next. Jet sat next to him. I curled up in the back with my head resting on my knees. We had found Fun Ghoul’s gun on the ground. He must have dropped it when the drac took him away-

     A whimper escaped from me. Jet didn’t turn around this time because he had gotten used to it over the past few hours. I tried to contain most of them. I was tired of seeing Kobra frown in the rearview mirror.

     I held the gun in my arms. It reminded me when I was close to sleep that I had let Ghoul get away. It kept me awake.

     I felt awful. It was like a sickness had entered my veins and no vaccination would cure it. I couldn’t sleep it off--I couldn't sleep at all. All I could think of was watching the dracs take Ghoul away. He wasn’t even conscious, he would’ve put up a fight if he had been. He couldn’t save himself. What were they going to do with him? Oh, God, I’m never going to see him again.

     I let all of my sadness out this time. I whimpered and cried and probably screamed with anger a few times. My jeans were soaked with my tears and dirt trickled away with them. It had been a full day, and I missed having Ghoul sitting in the back seat already. I missed him laughing about Jet’s hair flying in his face. I even missed worrying about how much he was sleeping.

     I was pissed off because I could’ve gone after him. Instead, I stayed in the dirt crying. That was all I had done was cry. I cried until the dracs were out of sight. I sat on the ground while Kobra and Jet fixed the Trans Am and cried. I wasn’t sure why we had a spare tire in the trunk for so long, but I wasn’t asking questions while I was emotionally unstable. And now, I was crying in the back seat. This wasn’t helping to get Ghoul back.

     “Party, we’re gonna pull over here,” Kobra said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Do you want to walk around, or?” he turned around and looked at me sadly. “Do you want to do anything?”

     “I want to get Fun Ghoul back,” I whispered.

     “Party, I can’t hear you,” he sighed.

     “We have to get Ghoul back,” I announced. “Kobra, we need to head into Battery City. That’s obviously where they took him. Who knows what they’re going to do? Kobra, we can’t waste time by stopping! We’ve got to go!” I started to pull myself into the front seat, hoping he would take the hint and climb out.

     He didn’t move from his seat. He just pushed me back. “Party, we need to tell Dr. D what happened. Get some help. We can’t just waltz into Battery City! We’re the most wanted people in the zones.”

     My jaw must’ve hit the floor. “Kobra, we need to get Ghoul back. Don’t you want him back?”

     “Party, of course we want to get Fun Ghoul back,” Jet cut in. “But Kobra’s right. We can’t just walk into Battery City. But we can get back to Dr. D as soon as possible to get help.”

     Kobra shook his head. “Alright, well, I guess we’re going then. No stops, so don’t complain to me when you need to pull over later.”

     “I won’t complain to you because I’m driving,” I said. “Get out of my seat,” I grumbled.

     Kobra rolled his eyes and opened the driver’s door. He slammed it in my face when I climbed over the seats. Jet just let out a loud sigh once Kobra shut the back door. He looked worried, but I wasn’t too concerned about my argument with my brother right now. I wanted to get Fun Ghoul back as soon as I could.


	5. Searching the Zones: Part One

17.

     It was three in the morning of the next day by the time we got to Dr. D. When we got there, I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the Trans Am. Jet and Kobra got out more gently behind me. We walked together into the radio booth. I pushed open the door harshly and got a gun pointed at me as soon as I walked in.

     “Well, I wasn’t expecting to see you bursting through my door at three in morning, Party Poison,” Dr. D laughed as I pushed past him.

     I fell into a chair in the corner of the room while Kobra and Jet awkwardly stood in the doorway to the tiny room.

     “Why the long faces, boys?” As soon as he said it, Dr. D noticed that one was missing from our group. He quickly looked at me with sadness in his eyes. “Party, where’s Fun Ghoul? What happened to him?”

     I leaned forward. I wondered if I looked as angry as I felt because both Jet and Dr. D back away a few inches. Kobra didn’t. He had gotten used to my actions through the years growing up together. “We got ambushed up North. Twice. First time, damn dracs shot his shoulder. We were planning on bringing him back,” my voice caught in my throat. I turned my head away so they couldn’t see the tears in my eyes.

     “It’s okay, Party,” Jet placed his hand on my shoulder. “You’ve held in everything for a long time.”

     “No,” I said. “I’m done crying.” I abruptly stood up, knocking Jet’s hand off my shoulder as I did so. “Then, we were ambushed as we were coming back. They shot out our tire. I tried to get them all away,” I gestured to the other two. “But there were too many dracs. We dropped him and he told us to run and they held me back and I couldn’t save him.” I slammed my fists on the table that separated me and Dr. D, making Jet jump behind me. “I couldn’t save him,” I repeated, “and the dracs took him.” I shook my head and didn’t bother to push my hair out of my eyes. “They were gone before we could get to the Trans Am. I couldn’t chase them.”

     Dr. D was silent. That was unusual for him seeing as he usually had something to say about fallen Killjoys. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was. Fun Ghoul wasn’t dead. They were going to do something terrible to him in Battery City.

     “Dammit! Say something!” I yelled at him.

     He turned away from me and grabbed the mic off the other table. He turned the “on air” sign on and sighed into the mic. “I’ve got bad news from the Killjoys, tumbleweeds. Seems that in a surprise attack in the North of Zone 6, the fearless Fun Ghoul was abducted by dracs. Now, I’m gonna need all of you to send your good vibes to the Killjoys as they search for their friend. Here’s one from The Mad Gear and Missile Kid.”

     He turned off the mic and looked back at me. I just looked at him in astonishment. How could he sound so apathetic about losing Ghoul?

     “I said something,” he said shortly. “Now that I have, what’s your plan? Run to Battery City even though you have no idea that he’s really there?”

     I leaned away from him. I hadn’t thought of anything but breaking into the city, but I didn’t want him to know that.

     “They could still be going through the zones, Party Poison. They could’ve taken him somewhere else. We don’t know. You need to think before you run into action. What are some places we can check that the dracs would take a captive to? Where would Fun Ghoul run to if he escaped? Did you even think of that, Party?”

     I looked away, ashamed. Fun Ghoul was extremely energetic and angry. As soon as he woke up in the arms of a drac, he would’ve fought them off and tried to get away. Of course he would try to do that. But what if he hadn’t escaped.

     “We need to check every possible solution, Party,” Kobra finally acknowledged me. “Running right into Battery City will certainly mean death for us. We need a plan to find Ghoul. We all want him back.”

     I nodded at him. “We need a few groups to look for Ghoul in safe places and others to hunt down what routes the dracs take. We have to check every possibility, right?”

     “Alright, sounds like a plan!” Dr. D clapped his hands together. “I’ll get a gang together to track some dracs. You guys obviously know where Fun Ghoul would go, so you’ve gotta go lookin’ for him.”

     I got ready to leave the room--I had to find Ghoul as quickly as possible. It was driving me insane thinking about what could happen to him.

     “Wait a minute, Party Poison,” he called to me. “You guys should take some time to rest up before running out. You need some time to calm down. Go to the diner, get some food and sleep. Go out tomorrow. Neither us nor them are going to make much progress today. There’s a storm coming in from the East. You guys just missed it. Go rest now.”

     I felt defeated in the argument, but I did it anyway. I left with Jet and Kobra and drove over to the diner. I did need something to eat, but I doubted any off time would let me sleep.


	6. Searching the Zones: Part Two

16.

15.

14.

     My knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and I kept my focus on the dirt road ahead of me. Jet Star was sitting quietly beside me. I was breathing heavily. I was pissed off at Kobra. I saw him pouting in the back seat and was glad that he was upset. He deserved to be upset because he had said this search for Ghoul was worthless.

     If he didn’t want to look for our friend, why had he even agreed to come?

    It had been two days since we departed from Dr. D and his group. They were heading into Zone 5 while we drove to the south of 6. There was another diner down there where we used to go. If Ghoul had gotten away while they were closer to Battery City, that’s probably where he would have gone. On the way, though, there were a few places we had been before that he might have remembered were safe.

    We were taking a rest on the way down this morning, by Jet’s request, because I hadn’t stopped besides searching the few safe areas. There wasn’t any sign that Ghoul had been any where near these places, but I was determined to find him. I had to. Searching, driving, hoping distracted me from thinking about what could be happening to him.

    Every time I stopped and let those thoughts fill my mind, I would have to snap back out of the horrors my mind created. The one word that kept coming to my mind when I thought of what could be happening to him was “torture.” Who knew what kind of stuff they would do to him to get information? Who knew what they wanted to know?

    After one of those moments that I got lost in thought, Jet finally convinced me to stop so we could rest for a while. As soon as the car stopped, I was crushed with all the thoughts I had been shoving away for the last few days.

   Did they take him back to Battery City yet? Were they going to kill him after they tortured him? Had they already killed him? What if they were doing something worse? What could possibly be worse than death or torture? My train of thought led me to all my nightmares I’d had about needles, and my heart started to beat faster. I began to freak out and dropped to the ground by my door, but then Kobra came over to me and picked me up.

    “Pull yourself together, Party!” he had yelled. “You’ve pushed us on for the past two days without any break or stop! We need time to think, and I’m tired of chasing a hope! We don’t know where Fun Ghoul is, but I’m pretty damn sure he’s not down here. We would’ve gotten some word by now, Gee.”

    I was so taken angry at his apathy for searching for Ghoul that I didn’t say anything for a few seconds. When I recomposed myself, I said, “We don’t know that he’s not down South, Mikey! We can’t just give up on him!”

    “Gerard, you’re making all of us go on a wild goose chase just because you feel guilty. It’s not your fault, or any of ours, that Ghoul got taken. It’s all on those dracs. If he escaped, he’ll find his way back home. That’s where we should be, Gee. Everyone is in danger because of this search. It’s pointless.”

   I pushed him away from me after he said that. How could looking for Ghoul be pointless? He was our friend--practically family or something more to me--and counted on us. We had to find him. What was so confusing about that?

   I had gotten back into the car and waited for the other two to climb back in. I thought about leaving them, letting them find their way back, but they got in the car before I could act on the thought.

   Five hours later, and Kobra was still acting like this was something I did wrong. We were close to the diner now, but I didn’t feel the hope in my heart that I had felt when we stopped the other few times. The other times, I could almost feel his presence, like he was coming up from behind me to wrap his arms around me. He used to do that when no one else was watching. I could practically smell his distinct scent. It was dirty and bloody and greasy, but it was home and it was him.

   This time, I only felt regret. I knew Ghoul wasn’t going to be there. I didn’t want to remember his hugs or his smell. I wanted him, but I knew I wouldn’t find him any time soon. My anger towards Kobra turned into sadness almost instantly when I realized he was right. If Ghoul was still alive, he would find us. Until then, this search wasn’t going to help anyone.

   I saw the diner in the distance and started to slow down. By the time we got there, I was already going slow enough to Kobra to hop out of the back seat. Once I put it in park, I leaned forward and rested my head on the steering wheel. I let out a long sigh but didn’t cry this time. Jet patted my shoulder and then got out of the car.

   I slowly got out and shut the door behind me. Kobra was already sitting at the counter, talking to the owner when we got inside.

   The two turned to face us as we walked over. Kobra spun around in his chair as the other man walked away, he avoided eye contact with me the entire time.

   “He’s not here,” I stated, sitting down next to my brother.

   “I’m sorry about what I said earlier, Party,” Kobra mumbled a half-hearted apology. “I just knew that you were going to get upset once you realized we weren’t going to find him.”

   “You were right.” My chest and head felt heavy. It was getting harder to breath and my voice sounded dull and dead in my ears. All of a sudden, everything felt final. “I’m not going to see him again,” I whispered.

   “You don’t know that, Party,” Jet said. “He’s going to find his way back to us. This is Fun Ghoul we’re talking about. If he got away, he probably got hungry and tried to get back home or something. He could be roaming around in the middle of Zone 6 looking for anyone who will offer him food or let him sleep. Or he’s fighting off some dracs. We can’t give up hope that he’s still alive now.”

   I smiled sadly at Jet. He wanted me to be okay, but I wasn’t going to be. Fun Ghoul could be anywhere, and if he wasn’t being held hostage by the dracs in Battery City, then he was starving or bleeding to death somewhere out in the desert. There was no good outcome to this.

   “Why don’t we just stay here tonight?” I suggested. “Send word to Dr. D and see what they’ve found. We’ll call off the search in the morning if they haven’t found anything yet.”

   “Party, if this is because of what I said earlier-” Kobra started to say.

   “No,” I stopped him. “It’s just what is right.” I left the counter and went back out to the car. I needed to be alone for a while. I wasn’t ready to quit looking for him, but I couldn’t make Kobra and Jet keep this up.

   After about twenty minutes, the owner walked out. As soon as I saw him, I jumped out of the car and ran to him.

   “Hey, man, could you do me a favor?” I asked.

   “Yeah, anything,” he replied quickly.

   “Could you let those two stay a couple of nights here?” I gestured inside where the others were. “And get word to Dr. Death Defying to come pick them up and go home.”

   “Yeah, I can do that. But why?” he looked at me quizzically.

   I looked back at the Trans Am and took a deep breath. I knew Dr. D would take care of Kobra if something happened while I wasn’t with him. Jet Star would also keep him company. They weren’t always going to need me to be with them.

   I turned back to him and sighed. “I’m going to look for Fun Ghoul. On my own.”


	7. Searching the Zones: Part Three

13\.   

   The sun was setting, and I had been driving all day. When I left the day before from the diner, I watched Kobra and Jet running out of the building, attempting to catch up to me. I left them in the dust. Now, the night sky was growing in the dust behind me. I hadn't run into any dracs in the day I had been on my own, which seemed weird since I was already into Zone 5, but it didn't really phase me enough to question the lack of threats.

   I only stopped once while I was driving, and that was probably four hours into the drive. It was a brief and semi-satisfying rest, but as the hours dragged on, it felt less and less helpful. My eyelids were drooping, and I caught myself yawning way too much. I didn't have time to sleep, I kept reminding myself to keep me awake. But once I thought of sleep, my eyes would start to close again.

   I hadn't been paying close attention to the music playing on the radio, but once Dr. D’s voice came on the air, I was fully alert again.

   “Alright, Killjoys. It’s time to come together in this time of need. Party Poison has run off by himself in search of Fun Ghoul, and no one knows where he might go. If you’re hearing this, Party: get your ass back here. You’re clearly out of your damn mind. If any of you out in the zones find him or see where he goes, don’t hesitate to let me know. Party, you can’t make this right,” there was a bit of silence on the air. Then, he finished, “I’ll keep you all updated through the night.”

   Once the next song on the station came on, I was already pressing my foot down on the gas pedal even harder. The other Killjoys couldn't come looking for me--they’d stop me from finding Fun Ghoul. No one understood that I had to find him or die trying. Without knowing he was safe, I already felt dead inside. I had to know that he was okay; I had to get him back to safety. It was the only plan I had at that moment, and it was what I was sticking to.

   It was completely dark now. The moon looked like a fingernail and there thousands of stars in the sky. As I glanced up at the stars, I remembered that I had taken Ghoul out behind the diner after a party one time. The moon wasn't shining that night, and we could see almost every star in the galaxy.

   I recalled the look of amazement on Ghoul’s face. Sure, we had seen all those stars before on similar clear nights, but there was something special about that night. He looked so happy and young at that time, and I was slowly falling for him. I had tried to avoid the feelings for weeks before that night, but I finally gave in and acknowledged them while we sat on the ground, looking up at the sky.

   “I've seen this all before, but there’s just something,” he had trailed off and bit his bottom lip in thought. The twinkle in his eyes had made me melt, and I knew that we were both seeing something different that time. “There’s something beautiful about it this time that I haven’t recognized before. You know?”

   I took that opportunity to place my hand on top of his and got him to look at me.

   Tears welled up in my eyes as I drove through the night as I remember what had happened next. I remember his smile from that night because it was different than all the other smiles he had ever given me. It was sincere instead of sarcastic, pure rather than mischievous.

   “It’s you,” I had said. As the memory flashed through my mind, I whispered the same words I had told him after that. “You’re stunning.”

   I slammed on the brakes and flew forward a little. When the Trans Am stopped, I smacked my hands on the steering wheel and screamed into the air. I wanted to yell at someone--at myself mostly--but there was nothing to say that I didn't already know. I had let the dracs take Fun Ghoul away, so this was my karma. I had to remember stupid memories like that to make me feel even more regret and guilt.

   “Dammit!” I shouted. “Why did I have to fall for _you_ of all people?!” I put the car in park and turned it off. Then, I hit my head against the wheel repeatedly. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I muttered each time my head hit it. The last time kind of hurt, and I was starting to get a headache from it, but I let my forehead rest there for a few minutes. “I’m so stupid.”

   I loudly sighed as if I would get someone’s attention with my pathetic attempts at grieving. I got out of the front seat and opened up the back door. I crawled onto the back seat and curled up on the seat.

   I was still angry that I hadn't gone after Ghoul, but there was no way to change what had happened. I could only decide what I did now because of that decision, and my plan was clear. I had to go to Battery City and rescue him. There was nothing else that satisfied the empty feeling inside of me. I had to know he was okay because not knowing where he was or what was happening to him was eating me up inside.

   I tried to push the feelings away and sleep, but when the sad feelings dwindled, the memories of him bubbled up. Times we had held hands if only for a few seconds were the first ones to haunt me. Then times that we would sit in the back of the Trans Am together and just enjoy each other’s presence. Then, right before Jet and Kobra had left us in the desert up North, when I tried to kiss him. I felt sad again.

   I wasn't going to sleep that night. I realized that as soon as the memories flooded my thoughts. I got back into the driver’s seat and drove on through the night. If I was focused on the road, I wasn't thinking about Fun Ghoul. Thinking of him meant crying. I was done crying.

   Even though Zone 5 wasn't as bare as 6 was, there was still hardly anything to see as I drove. There were a few empty shacks that dotted the desert’s landscape, but I had to assume they were being used by Better Living Industries to spy on the outer zones. I hoped they picked up my movement each time I drove by one. The sooner I arrived in Battery City, whether it be by myself or being taken by dracs, the sooner I would find Ghoul.

   I couldn’t drive any faster, not without completely losing control, and there were no quick routes into the middle of the zones. Even though I didn’t mind being found by dracs at that point, I was still being cautious about being caught. It was something I was used to doing, and it added a sense of suspense to the whole thing. It’s something Ghoul would have done--he would go into something, knowing it was dangerous, and still try to avoid danger. It wouldn’t be surprising if something bad happened, but I didn’t want anything terrible to happen.

   My thoughts were starting to get clearer and less jumbled as I drove. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was so focused on actually driving or because I wasn’t really focused on one thing in particular. Only after driving in silence for a while did I start to realize that running into Battery City on my own wasn’t my smartest decision.

   There were so many things that could go wrong with this plan, but I had already started it on impulse. I couldn’t go back now. I still wouldn’t mind being taken directly into the city, but what if they didn’t capture me like the did Ghoul? What if they just killed me on sight? Then I would never save Ghoul. I wasn’t even sure if he was alive.

   That was the biggest question I had. It sent me into a panic every time I thought of it, but it was time that I really took into account the possibility. What would I do if I showed up in Battery City only to find out that he was already gone? I wouldn’t last much longer--I wouldn’t _want_ to last much longer. If he wasn’t alive, and I was killed because of my plan, how long would it take them to get to the rest of the Killjoys? Should I have stayed back with Kobra and Jet?

   “No,” I said out loud. I had slowed down while I was lost in thought, so I stopped the car entirely. “No, I have to do this. Even if he is dead,” my voice wavered saying that out loud. “Even if he is gone, I have to do this. I let him get taken away. This is how I’m repaying him.” I nodded to myself and made the decision final. “This is how I’m showing everyone that I love him, even if he never really gets to know.”

   I let my foot off the brake and pressed down on the gas again. I felt a sense of relief after saying everything out loud. I did love him enough to die to get him to safety. I cared about him enough to drive through all the zones to get him back. I was risking everything I had ever lived for just to make sure he was safe, but I was okay with that. I was happy with that.

   If I had to leave this cruel world by risking my life for the one thing that wasn’t cruel, then I would fight happily to the bitter end. I kept accelerating as I drove, hoping the feeling inside me wouldn’t go away. I wouldn’t call it happiness, maybe acceptance, but whatever it was, it gave me a little more energy to keep driving further into the zones.

   As the morning started to grow brighter around me, I realized I was nearing the border of Zones 5 and 4. This would be where the journey would get even more difficult. More of BLI’s people would be searching around Zone 4, which meant I would be found easier. As the thought settled into my mind, the more I wanted to avoid that fate. The plan would work a lot better if I was to arrive on my own accord.

   I was still in Zone 5, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong about the area. In the past, we had encountered quite a few dracs in Zone 6, so why hadn’t I come across more in 5? And I was nearing 4, so where were all of them? Not even a S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/ unit was in sight. There had to be something going on. They knew I was coming, and they wanted me to. I felt that that was right. I was probably driving into something really bad, but it didn’t matter. I had to do it to get Ghoul back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update; I caught up to where I left off quicker than I thought. Also, I didn't really edit this that much, so sorry for any mistakes.


	8. Searching the Zones: Part Four

12.

11.

   It was two in the morning when the radio started to make an abundance of noise. I sat up too quickly in the back seat when the white noise started. I had been sleeping, and the rude awakening made me a little disoriented at first. I forgot where I was; why was there less desert and more civilization here? What Zone was I in? The last announcement I heard from Dr. D was in 5, but that was two days ago. I drove slower through 4, but I last stopped on 3’s side of the border.

   Zone 3. That’s where I was when I stopped for the night and realized I was going into some deep sh-

   “Party Poison, if you’re hearin’ this, you need to get out of those inner Zones ASAP!” Dr. D’s command snapped me out of my confused state. I was fully aware of the urgency in his voice now that I was focused. “Those dracs are waiting for you to get into Battery City and kill you as soon as they can. I know you want to get Ghoul back, but this is too dangerous. We can discuss better plans when you get back, but Party,” he paused for only a second, knowing it would take me a moment to fully focus on just him. “Do not go into Bat City alone. This was the only time I could reach you, so get back before you go-”

   His warning was cut off by the staticy National Anthem.

   I sat there in silence for a while. Had his time on the air run out, or had BLI picked up the signal and cut it? I had no plans of returning to Zone 6 without Fun Ghoul, but the panic in Dr. Death Defying’s voice had sent chills down my spine. Something had been wrong this entire time, and I had been right.

   Even in Zone 3, I hadn’t seen any dracs on this border either. They wanted me to drive all the way to Bat City on my own. I had to assume that they now thought that I was running, which gave me a very small amount of time to make a decision. Was I going to continue to go into the Zones or go back to 6?

   I had made it so far already, but how much could I afford to lose? I looked around Zone 3. There was no one in sight. The dracs were planning to cut me off in Battery City. I’d never get to Ghoul this way.

   The rational part of me knew that it was better to go back to the others and come up with an actual plan to get him home. However, the emotional part of me wondered if Fun Ghoul would ever forgive me for abandoning my mission when I was so close to him. I didn’t want to give up, but I couldn’t save him if I was dead.

   After a few minutes of sitting in the back seat of the Trans Am, I finally got into the driver’s seat and started it back up. I turned around and drove back towards Zone 6. I drove faster this time through Zone 4, but as I watched 3 get smaller in my mirror, I couldn’t help but feel that I was giving up on Ghoul. I knew I wasn’t--I was just trying to form a better plan and get help--but how was I ever going to explain that I made it halfway and turned around.

   He would’ve kept going alone if it were reversed. He wouldn’t have cared that it was stupid and dangerous. But would he have been alone? Or would the other Killjoys have demanded to go with him? I wanted to get angry at Jet and Kobra for not being here with me, but I was the one that left them in that diner. It wasn’t their fault that the whole situation had made me reckless.

   I drove through the desert for hours and didn’t stop once. Since I decided to turn around, I figured I would make up for lost time by driving straight to Zone 6. No breaks or rests, I had to get back, make a plan, and head for Bat City once again with back up the next time.

   The sun was in the sky, and it was only late in the morning. I wondered how long it would take me to get through the three Zones. It probably wouldn’t take me as long as it did to get where I had turned around, considering I was being very cautious in my two day drive through Zone 4. This time, I only slowed down because I didn’t want to fly over hills.

   As I drove, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Dr. D’s broadcast hadn’t just ran out of time. I just knew that BLI had cut it off. They knew that I was on my way to them, and now they knew that I was headed in the other direction. They couldn’t have known how far I was in though. Right? But what if they did?

   I started to ease off the gas as my mind wandered again. They hadn’t attacked me through Zones 5 and 4, but they were waiting in Bat City. Were they monitoring my movements the whole time? Did they know where I was now?

   I couldn’t think about all that. I had to get back to the others. That was my top priority. Those dracs weren’t going to catch me now. I was already determined to get back to the Killjoys and rescue our friend together. I wasn’t going out alone.


	9. Reckless Plans: Part One

10.

   “Stop. Stop. Stop!” I shouted at the Trans Am. “No, no no no no,” I repeated as the gas light continuously flashed at me. How could I have forgotten to bring more than one gas can with me from the diner I left the others at? Of all the stupid things I’ve done, this was pretty close to number one. Even if I was still headed into Battery City where there were places to stop to fill up the tank, I couldn’t go there--not when I was wanted throughout the Zones.

   I steered the car over to the side of the road as it slowed to a stop. I turned it off and got out. I slammed the door shut behind me and reached into the back to get a bottle of water. It was my last one. I started to realize that my haste to leave Zone 6 had made me forget too much. I was so underprepared that I probably would have had to walk through Zone 2 by the time I would have gotten there.

   I leaned against the car for a few seconds trying to come up with a plan to get back to the others. I was already halfway through Zone 5, so if I walked towards 6, someone would probably find me and pick me up. I really didn’t know how long I could last on one bottle of water though. And what if I ran into dracs on the way?

   I looked into the car; my gun and Fun Ghoul’s were sitting next to each other in the passenger seat. I walked around to the other side, reached through the window, and grabbed both of them out. I stuck mine in the holster on my leg and kept Ghoul’s in my hand. I hoped that I wouldn’t run into any trouble and that someone would find me sooner rather than later, but I knew how my luck had been going lately and to expect the worst.

   I stepped back and took one last look at the Trans Am before I left it there. I felt bad, but I couldn’t stay here and wait--I had to get to Zone 6. I leaned forward and held myself up against it with my arms outstretched.

   “I’ll come back for you,” I said to it, like it could really understand me. “But hey, I also promised that to Frank, didn’t I?”

   And just like that, all the bitterness and anger came back. I shoved myself off the Trans Am and turned away. After taking another sip of water, I started to walk away from the car.

   I walked for hours out in the bright sun. I was used to the heat that boiled the desert, but out here alone made the burning sun a thousand times worse. My hair was sweaty and sticking to my forehead. I pushed it out of my face with my mask and took yet another drink of my water. There was only a fourth left now.

   “If anyone wanted to show up, now would be a great time!” I called into the air, wondering if the other Killjoys were evening looking for me. Did they really think I would turn back around? I wouldn’t have thought I would come back after it all. Did they have any faith left in me?

   As I slowly stumbled through the desert, I saw dust rising in the distance. Everything inside me filled with joy. Someone had finally found me! Thank God, I couldn’t make it much farther in the heat without much water left. A car emerged from the dust and was headed in my direction. I started running towards it, hoping that I would see Kobra and Jet sitting in the front seat.

   When it got closer, however, I started to slow down. Also from the dust, at least three motorcycles trailed behind it. None of the Killjoys would be driving those.

   “Dracs,” I muttered and started to run backwards. I turned around and ran full speed in the other direction. I pushed my mask down and started running faster. I looked behind me and knew that my running was useless. Then, I heard an engine rev in front of me.

   Another few motorcycles were headed towards me from the other side of Zone 5. “Dammit,” I said. I looked between the two oncoming gangs and decided to run away from both. It wasn’t the best plan, but it was all I could do.

   As I started running, I pulled my gun out of the holster and started shooting at either side of me. I wasn’t paying too close attention to what I was shooting at, but I must’ve hit one of the dracs because I heard one of them scream in the distance.

   Both sides were starting to close it on me, but I kept running away. I knew they would catch up eventually, but I hoped that someone was coming to bring me back to Zone 6 and that running would buy me more time. Someone had to be coming to save me, right?

   Just as I started to doubt the other Killjoys, I saw something, no someone, out in the distance in front of me. I didn’t slow down, but I could barely recognize the person. I didn’t want to run at another drac, but there was no where else to go.

   Then, I started to really see what the person was wearing. It wasn’t a dracs’s uniform, but they stood as perfect as a soldier in the middle of the desert. Their head was down and their hair was jet black and cut short, but I started to notice the yellow sleeve on the right side of their shirt--the other had been torn off at the shoulder.

   “Frank,” I whispered as a smile spread across my face. I started to run faster, I had to go. “Fun Ghoul!” I called. He looked up at me, and his green eyes locked with mine. “Fun Ghoul!” I yelled again.

   The dracs were still following me, getting closer. I finally got to him and wrapped my arms around him. He had always been small, but now he felt like only skin and bones. I squeezed him tighter. He said nothing to me. He did not hug me back.

   “Ghoul, we’ve got to go,” I said, pulling away. “We’ve got to get out of here.” I started to pull him with me, but he wouldn’t budge. “Frank,” I groaned.

   Now, he pulled me into a hug, and I slid my fingers into his now short hair.

   “What did they do to you, Ghoul?” I closed my eyes and took a huge breath as he tightened his arms around me. There was no sweat, blood, or grease that filled my nostrils. “You smell so,” I paused, opened my eyes and saw the healed wound on his shoulder.

   “Clean,” I breathed out. Just as I went to back away, I saw our intertwined shadows reaching behind him and the shadow of a drac with a needle in his hand by my neck. “No!” I shouted, but a hand quickly covered my mouth. I struggled against those holding me for a few seconds, then everything moved slowly and turned black.


	10. Reckless Plans: Part Two

9.

8.

   Everything in my mind was fuzzy when I woke up. I started to open my eyes but had to blink several times to adjust to the bright lights. What room had bright lights? Nothing in Zone 6 was this blinding, not even the sun.

   I tried to rub my eyes so I could get my bearings, but I couldn’t lift my hands. Something was holding my arms down. That’s when panic started to course through me. I quickly attempted to sit up and figure out what was happening and where I was, but as soon as I tried, I felt woozy and slumped back down.

   I tried to steady my breathing, but my entire body was shaking. I glanced down at my wrists; there were straps around both of them, and when I lifted my head to see my feet had also been strapped down to the bed, I noticed that I was no longer wearing my gray jeans and blue jacket. Instead, I was in completely white scrubs.

   In fact, the room looked like bleach had thrown up on it. Where the hell was I?

   “Hey!” I called out, my voice hoarse, even though I didn’t know if I was by myself or not. “Hey!!” I didn’t know how long I had been asleep. I didn’t remember a lot of things at the moment.

   Then, it all hit me. The Trans Am running out of gas, hoping another Killjoy would find me, the attack, Fun Ghoul.

   He was there! He’s alive! Oh, my god. He was standing there, I hugged him, and he hugged me, and then-

   A door on the far side of the room flew open, and two dracs walked in. I could see at least four more were outside the door waiting for something, for me.

   “What the hell is going on?” I screamed. “Fun Ghoul! Where are y-”

   One of the dracs punched me in the face. Before I could retaliate, they were undoing the straps on my wrists. They only let go for a second, but as soon as they did, I swung my fist at the drac. I grabbed the gun from his belt and aimed it at the other drac in the room. I didn’t have the steadiest hand at the moment, so when I shot, I missed him, but I did hit the wall on the other side of the room.

   Some of the ones out in the hallway came in now and dodged my sloppy shots. Another fist connected with my face--this time causing me to bite my tongue. I tasted blood in my mouth, but I knew I couldn’t give up fighting. I had to get out. I had to find Fun Ghoul. If he knew I was here, would he be looking for me? Where was he?

   “Fun Ghoul!” I cried out, hoping he would hear me through the hallways of whatever building I was in. I was pushing and punching against the dracs as they tried to hold me down. They would shove me to the bed, and I would fight them until I was sitting up again. I saw one go over to the side of the room where a table sat. He picked something up--oh, God, not another needle.

   “No!” I screamed shrilly.

   I had forgotten the gun in my hand, and apparently so had the dracs, but as soon as I remembered it, I aimed it at the one filling the syringe with something, probably some sort of sedative or poison. I pushed forward with all my strength, taking the dracs holding me down with me as I sat up. I steadied my hand as much as I could and shot the drac. I hit his shoulder, and he fell to the ground.

   After he dropped, another drac took the gun out of my hand and another picked up the needle. I still screamed and fought them, but I didn’t even have the chance to throw another punch because the drac had stabbed me with the needle. My arms felt heavy and everything moved slowly.

   “No,” I grumbled. “Fra-” My words were slurring together and the room seemed to be moving around me. For some reason, I hadn’t passed out yet. The last time, it had happened instantly. Did they not want me asleep?

   They were playing with my feet now. “Tha tickl-” I grunted and kicked lazily at the drac. When was I able to move my legs again? They pushed my lower body off the bed and caught me by my torso before I fell to the ground. “Wha’s happen?” I asked, looking from one drac to the other. They started walking forward, dragging me behind. “Where’re we goin’?” I felt so heavy, they must have strapped weights to me. I couldn’t hold myself up. I was trying to walk, but couldn’t get my feet to keep up with my legs.

   I shifted my weight to one side and tried to push the drac over. He stumbled a bit, and I laughed. The other one shoved me forward. “Am walkin’,” I spat at him.

   My senses were starting to clear up as they led me down the hallway. How long had we been walking? I wasn’t even walking, was I? It was more like they were dragging me. The hallway floors and walls were just as white as the room. It was so blinding and disorienting, which didn’t help with whatever they had injected me with that screwed up my senses.

   The fog lifted from my mind as the drug started to wear off. A thousand thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. Where were they taking me? Why hadn’t they killed me yet? Was Fun Ghoul here? Had they killed him yet?

   I looked frantically around and started to pick my feet up in order to walk. The dracs’ grip on my arms became tighter. I just happened to glance up as we passed a glass window on the left that showed a room just as white as everything else.

   Inside, a short man sat perfectly still on a bed, hands folded on top of his knees. His black hair was short and styled, not one piece out of line. He wore all white clothes--nice ones, slacks, buttoned shirt, and tie.

   “Fun Ghoul!” I shouted, throwing all my weight onto the drac, shoving him into the window. We hit the glass, but it did not break. I knocked my head against it again, hoping he would look up at me.

   Some dracs that had been behind us came jogging up and grabbed me by the shoulders. I threw myself back into the glass. It had to break at some point, right? They kept pulling me away, but each time I went back to the glass. Couldn’t he hear me?

   “Fun Ghoul!!” I screamed as loud as I could, throwing both fists onto the glass. It shook under my hands, but didn’t even crack.

   The dracs pulled me back with a great force and threw me on the ground. I groaned as my back hit the floor. They grabbed my arms and pulled me off the ground. I flew into the glass again, unintentionally this time. When it shook, I saw him flinch. His forehead was starting to sweat, and his hands were shaking slightly.

   “Fun Ghoul!” I tried to get his attention yet again, but before I could tell if he would acknowledge me, the dracs were pushing me down the hall. “No! No!” I struggled against them, but they were stronger than me.

   They forced me to the end of the hallway where it turned into a grand room. It was still white, but it was much bigger than both the room I was in and the one Ghoul was in. Dracs stood on the sides of the room, waiting. For what, I didn’t know. I didn’t think I wanted to know.

   The one who had struggled with me down the hall now threw me forward into the center of the room. I stumbled forward a few steps. Something hit my foot, and I went tumbling down. I caught myself with my hands before I could fall face first to the floor. I was on my knees, trying to steady my breathing before I stood up.

   I closed my eyes, calming myself down. I’d never be able to fight these guys if I was out of control. I heard someone’s foot steps tapping on the floor behind me, echoing through the room. The sound stopped right in front of me.

   I opened my eyes and saw someone’s tiny feet in black boots. The only color in the entire place was the shoes and my hair, and they were intensified surrounded by the white.

   The person squatted down and put their fingers under my chin. Their fingers were soft and cold as they led my face up to look at the person.

   “You’re the one who shot the Trans Am down in Zone 6,” I said. “You and that guy.”

   The woman smirked at me. Then, the hand that was under my chin swung around and slapped me. It stung really bad where her hand met my face. I kept my head turned the other way after she hit me. Who was this lady?

   “You don’t get to talk about him,” she hissed at me.

   Now I looked at her again. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but it wasn’t a time to show weakness. I slowly leaned back on my toes and tilted my head to the side. I copied her smirk and laughed. “How I shot him? Killed him?”

   I began to stand up, but she pulled a gun out and pointed it straight at me. It followed me as I knelt back down. I didn’t stop teasing, though. “Is that what I’m not supposed to talk about?”

   “It would be best if you stopped talking, Party Poison.” She smiled again. “Plus, it wasn’t you who killed him. It was one of the other ones. Although, not the one we captured, Fun Ghoul.”

   The joking manner I was using was gone as soon as she mentioned Kobra and replaced with anger once she said Ghoul’s name. “Where are we? Are we in Battery City? What did you do to him?” I shouted.

   A drac from the side of the room started to walk over to us. I was prepared to fight him, but the woman put her hand up and he stopped.

   “No, this isn’t Battery City,” she scoffed. “This is our little, ah, resort in the North of Zone 5 where we treat rebellious people like you and Fun Ghoul. As to him, why do you care?” she chided.

   “He’s one of my friends, and I can do twice as worse to you as you did to him.”

   She laughed, and it rang through the room. “You turned around. You gave up on him, Party Poison. You already did the worst thing to him that none of us could do.”

   I looked away again. I didn’t know how to respond to that. She was right. I knew that. Before she even said it, I knew that I had let Ghoul down. “It’s all my fault that he’s here,” I whispered.

   She leaned over so that our faces were at the same level. “I know,” her voice was soft and calming. “You’re the worst thing that could’ve happened to him, not us. Once we take you both to Battery City, I’m sure you both will become model citizens.”

   I didn’t have time to attack her because as soon as I began to leap forward, one of the walls exploded and caved in.

 


	11. Reckless Plans: Part Three

7.

   The dark skinned lady in front of me looked at me after the explosion. “Is this you?” she screamed, pointing the gun at me.

   I was just as surprised as she was, but I didn’t have time to defend myself. She was pointing her gun at me again. While she wasn’t physically shaking, I could tell she was shook up.

   “You planned this, didn’t you? This was your plan all along. You killed him and then decided to kill all of us here. But guess what? You’ll never save Fun Ghoul. He’s long gone. It’s all your fault, and you’ll be dead before you even get to see him again!”

   She kicked me in the chest, and I landed on my back on the ground. She stood over me and was getting ready to shoot. I shut my eyes tight. This was it. I should’ve taken Ghoul back to Dr. D right after he got shot. I shouldn’t have let him get shot in the first place. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so afraid of losing him if I had already told him I loved him.

   I heard the shot before I felt it. I waited for the black, the emptiness, whatever death carried with it. But I never felt the cold release from life.

   “Party! Party! Gerard!” Someone was shaking me and screaming my name. “You’re not dead or whatever you think is happening.”

   I slowly opened my eyes to see Kobra Kid standing over me. The girl was lying dead next to me. I sat up quickly, looking around. There was a giant hole in the wall, and people were running around everywhere, shooting their guns and running back out.

   Dr. D was sitting in his van, shooting dracs that were running out of the building. Other Killjoys along with Jet and Kobra had come to rescue me--rescue Ghoul.

   “Frank,” I sighed. “Kobra, we have to go find Ghoul!” He stretched out his hand and pulled me up. I jumped up to my feet and looked around frantically. Where had they brought me in from? “I- I don’t know what they did to him, Mikey! Dammit, where’s the door?” I turned around once more and saw the hallway that I had come through. “Yes!!”

   I started running towards the hallway, but dracs started shooting at me from the front. I immediately reached for my leg where my gun usually sat in the holster but remember I didn’t have it. I wasn’t even in my own clothes. From behind me, Kobra shot at some of dracs and caught up to me.

   “Here, take mine. I grabbed that lady’s one,” he said as he handed me his red gun.

   I smiled at him and started running again. I shot some of the dracs and kept running through the hallway. I know I saw him on my way to the big room. I slammed against the window enough times. Where was that room? How drugged was I when they pulled me down the hallway?

   I looked all the way down the hallway and didn’t see the window. I started to panic, but then I saw a door open and two men walk out. One of them was a drac, the other who was being guided out was the man who had sat in the room.

   “Fun Ghoul!” Kobra called from behind me.

   “Fun Ghoul,” I whispered.

   The drac turned around and started shooting at us. I shot him quickly, and he dropped dead to the ground. I ran up to Ghoul who just stood still.

   He didn’t even look like he was focused on anything. He was just staring blankly at the wall. I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, trying to get him to look at me.

   “Fun Ghoul, come on, look at me,” I said to him. “Ghoul, it’s me, Party Poison, come on.”

   “Party,” he mumbled and looked up at me.

   “Yeah, Party,” I smiled, nodding my head. Oh, god at least he remembered me.

   “Party, we’ve got to go before backup shows up!” Kobra yelled. He was standing in the middle of the hallway shooting at dracs.

   “Party,” Ghoul said again, this time more clearly.

   “Yeah, Ghoul we’ve got to go.” I grabbed his hand and started to run, but he still didn’t move. He looked troubled, but didn’t say anything more. “Fun Ghoul, what’s wrong.”

   “You’re the one who left me,” he growled. It wasn’t his usually angry voice; it was much darker, and it scared the hell out of me.

   “Frank, I’m sor-”

   “You deserted me!” He pushed me back. I only stumbled a bit, but I could feel my heart shattering as he screamed. I couldn’t say a thing to him because I knew it was true. “You let me get shot, let me get captured, and then turned around. You don’t care about me.” Again, he pushed me away and shoved me against the wall.

   “No, no no no no.” This time, I took a step towards him. “No, I do care about you, Fra-”

   He ran at me, pushing me to the wall. There was so much anger in his eyes, but he also seemed confused. Kobra turned around and saw me against the wall. He started to come at us, but more dracs started shooting. That’s when an idea came to me. This couldn’t have been him. They did something to him to make him like this. But it still hurt in my heart.

   “Okay, okay, Ghoul, this isn’t you.” I said, maybe a little too fast, but my heart was racing. “This isn’t you!”

   This time, he swung at me. I wasn’t expecting it and received his fist to my face. This time, Kobra ran into the room behind us and started rummaging around. I couldn’t fight Ghoul, I just couldn’t. So as he punched me in the face and stomach, I did nothing. He paused for a moment, so I slid down the wall, hoping to block my face with my knees and arms.

   Once I hit the ground, he knelt down in front of me. He gripped my arms and shook me until I looked up.

   “You’re the reason for all of this, Party Poison,” he practically spat in my face.

   I knew that this wasn’t him. Frank would never say these sort of things to anyone, but all of what he was saying was true, and I knew that, too. I knew that I deserved this, but he would never tell me that I deserved this if it was really him. Maybe it was better to go this way. If I let him kill me…

   “I’m sorry, Frank,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

   I leaned my head back to the wall, hoping he would continue to fling his anger at me. I was ready for it. I expected it. Frankly, I deserved it.

   But it didn’t happen. I opened my eyes and saw Kobra sticking a needle into Ghoul’s neck. He had one arm around him, holding him up. Once all the liquid was injected into him, he let him go, letting him fall into my lap. I watched him as he fell and then looked back up at my brother.

   “You’re welcome,” he said, throwing the needle behind him. “We’ve got to go, Poison, like, now.” He looked behind him, there weren’t any dracs coming down the hallway at that moment.

   I pushed Ghoul’s body off me and laid him down on the floor. Kobra reached down and grabbed my hand. After he pulled me up, I scooped up Ghoul in my arms. I started to walk back down the hallway, but Kobra stopped me.

   “Hey, wait a second,” he said, jogging back to the room.

   “Kobra, you said we had to go!” I called back to him.

   He came back, wielding Fun Ghoul’s gun and my gun. “I saw them when I ran in there, but it didn’t register until now that they were your guns.”

   “Hold onto them since I don’t have enough hands,” I said as he placed my gun in his holster, so he could carry his and Ghoul’s.

   We ran down the hallway, stepping cautiously over dead dracs, hoping that they were actually dead and not faking in order to trick us. I also hoped not to drop Fun Ghoul or that whatever Kobra had injected him with hadn’t killed him.

   As we made our way back to the room, we ran into Jet--almost literally.

   “What the hell?” he screamed. Then, he looked at me holding Ghoul, and I could see all the confusion and sadness in his eyes. Before I could say something, he flew forward and embraced the two of us in a hug. “Never leave us stranded at a diner again, Party Poison.”

   “Trust me, I won’t,” I sort of laughed.

   “Where were you guys? We’ve held off the dracs, but no doubt more are coming! We should’ve been gone already. And what about Ghoul?” He trailed off when he asked the last question.

   I paused because I knew Jet wanted to know if he was dead or what, but I didn’t know and suddenly became really scared. Did I just waste this entire mission to watch my brother accidentally poison Ghoul?

   “Never mind that, we’ll figure out what’s wrong with him when we get back,” Kobra said after I hesitated, noticing the confusion on my face.

   “Alright,” Jet cleared his throat. “Let’s go. Dr. D is waiting for us.”

   We ran down the hall and into the room again. Through the hole in the wall, I could see Dr. D helping pull an injured Killjoy into the van. As soon as he saw me, though, he looked pissed off.

   When we made our way through the wall, he started yelling at me. “Party Poison, I swear to God, if you ever try something like that again, you won’t be worrying about dracs finding you. How could you just leave Jet and Kobra in the wilderness? What a dumb move,” he muttered. Then, after I walked up to him and Kobra pulled Ghoul out of my arms, Dr. D pulled me into a hug. “Don’t you ever do something that stupid again, Party Poison. We were worried sick, and when we found the Trans Am abandoned, I knew something terrible had happened.”

   “The Trans Am,” I whispered. “You found it? Did you take it home?” At least something felt right after all the disastrous events.

   “Oh, no. We didn’t send ‘er home,” he nodded his head back.

   Excitedly, I jogged around the van and saw the car sitting in the dust. Show Pony was behind the wheel, but quickly exited when I ran over.

   “I knew you’d be happy to see me,” he smiled.

   When I got to the car, though, I knelt down beside it and tears started falling from my eyes. I didn’t do any of this--didn’t keep any of my promises. The other Killjoys ended up saving the day, but maybe that was what I had missed all along.

   “Gee,” Kobra shouted, jogging over to me. “Dr. D is leaving now,” he paused. “Wanted to see if you were staying with Ghoul or driving back.”

   I looked between the van and the Trans Am. I didn’t want to be away from Fun Ghoul, but after all this, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts, and driving was the best way for me to do that. “I’m gonna drive,” I said.

   “Alright,” Kobra started to walk back to the van and jump in next to Jet.

   “But, wait, Mikey,” I called to him. When he stopped and turned around, I continued. “You’re welcome to sit shotgun.”

   He smiled and ran back over to the car. He hopped in, and I slowly opened the driver’s side door. As I sat down, he turned to me.

   “Man, those are some white clothes,” he said. “We’re all gonna need sunglasses so you don’t blind us.”

   I laughed shortly. It was nice to hear a joke, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel any better with it. I looked down at the white outfit I had woken up in at some point today--or yesterday. I hadn’t given any thought to it until now. When had they ever put these on me? Where were my clothes? What had even happened while I was drugged?

   “Or maybe this will help,” Kobra said, interrupting my thoughts.

   “What’ll help?” I asked while he rummaged around in the back seat.

   He tossed something in my lap, and I started to smile when I realized it was my jacket.

   “The rest of your clothes are back there, we found them in a dumpster on the side of the building. They’re kind of gross and need washed, but I figured you might want something to wear that’s not so, uh, colorless. We really need to go, though. Dr. D is waiting on us.”

   I slipped my arms through the sleeves and smiled at Kobra. It felt really great to be surrounded by something that felt so familiar--the jacket, the car, my brother.

   “Alright, let’s go.” I turned on the car and raced in front of the van. It was time to get back to Zone 6 and get back to daily tasks. I didn’t want to think about all the problems we’d have to solve once we got back because at that moment, I was free to not worry. We were going away from all the trouble I’d gotten myself into, and that felt great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me forever to update. I kind of forgot I was writing a story and publishing it onto a website. There's only a few chapters left, and I hope to be done with this fic by the end of May! Hold me to that so I don't forget! xoleighbird


	12. Reckless Plans: Part Four

6.

   The drive back to the diner in Zone 6 was short, and once we arrived, I just sat in the Trans Am for a couple of minutes. Kobra and I got back almost a half hour before the others, so I had time to relax and think about what had happened.

   There weren’t words to describe how I was feeling. Driving had helped me clear my head--I knew that Ghoul didn’t mean any of those things he said to me, but it still hurt. He would forgive me for letting him get taken away--there wasn’t anything I could have done. I would assure him it wasn’t his fault for the things he said--he would be torn to shreds if he even remembered that. But would I ever forgive myself for any of it? It was hard to say, but I doubted I ever would.

   I got out of the driver’s seat and reached into the back. I grabbed my clothes and ran inside. Part of me rationalized that I wanted to be in something more comfortable and normal. Yet the other part of me was frightened to wait for Ghoul outside. Had he woken up? Was he going to remember anything from the past few days? Would he remember me at all?

   I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out, while I walked inside Dr. D’s station. In the corner of the room, I quickly shed the white clothes and slid into my jeans and t-shirt. After I slid my jacket back on and rolling my shoulders around in it for a few minutes, I walked over to the diner.

   The other group hadn’t arrived yet, so I sat with my brother in one of the booths. As soon as I sat down, he shoved a can of beans my way. When it stopped in front of me, my stomach growled and my mouth salivated. How long had it been since I’d eaten? I didn’t think about it much and started shoveling the food into my mouth.

   “Oh, god, thank you,” I said with a full mouth.

   “No need to thank me, man,” Kobra looked sad. “I didn’t know if,” he paused. “I didn’t know when you’d last had food, you know? I wasn’t sure what had happened.” His voice trailed off and he looked out the window of the diner.

   He was wearing the sunglasses he always wore, so I couldn’t see his eyes, but I did spot the way he chewed on his lip when he was nervous or upset. Only then did I think about how my actions had not only hurt Ghoul, but also Kobra and Jet. I abandoned them in the middle of the desert. Anyone else would’ve been out to kill me for doing that. Yet here was Kobra, making sure I was well fed and comfortable in my clothes.

   I set down the can and looked down at my hands. “Mikey, thank you. I mean it. I didn’t think about leaving you at that other diner, I just did it. And I know I don’t deserve it, but I don’t want you to think it was your fault or anything-”

   “Gee,” he scoffed. “Would you just stop?” He gave me a small smile. “I’m just glad you’re back and safe. That’s all that matters to me.”

   I pushed the can away--I was full and it was empty. I was going to say something else, but just as I got ready to speak, I heard the van pull up to the diner. My muscles tightened, and Kobra’s head snapped to face the door. He looked back at me and started to get up.

   He stood at the door and turned around to face me. “Are you coming, Party?”

   I was still sitting. If Fun Ghoul was awake, he might still be furious. If he wasn’t awake, I couldn’t bring myself to see him like that. Would I ever be able to look at him again without being sad? I still loved him, didn’t I?

   “Party?” Kobra asked again.

   “Yeah, I’m coming.”

   I got up slowly and walked out the door as Kobra held it open. Dr. D was coming towards me. I saw Show Pony climb out of the back, but he stopped and started to rummage around, then, he climbed back in.

   “You sped ways in front of us, kid,” Dr. D laughed. “But I figured Kobra would keep you on the path home, make sure you didn’t do anything stupid.”

   “Yeah, we came straight here. No stops or detours,” I replied. I could tell my voice was shaking. Why was I so nervous about seeing Ghoul?

   Jet Star was now jumping out of the back, followed shortly by Show Pony, who was holding an unconscious Fun Ghoul. I felt relieved. I hadn’t noticed that I was holding my breath, but I let it go when I saw that he was asleep. I wouldn’t have to talk to him yet.

   Show Pony walked past me and then stopped. “You want to come with?” he asked.

   I nodded my head before I even thought it through.

   “Well, come on.”

   I followed him and Dr. D inside. Jet and Kobra stayed outside. Show Pony put Ghoul on the floor on top of a pile of blankets. My chest tightened when I saw him there. Usually, he looked peaceful when he slept, but now he still looked troubled.

   “This is all my fault,” I whispered.

   “Now, Party Poison, you need to quit blamin’ yourself for this,” Dr. D scolded. “You need to be ready for when he wakes up ‘cause he ain’t gonna want to see any of us but you.”

   “Unless he wants to claw your face off again,” Show Pony mumbled.

   “What?” I asked. Did I tell him that?

   “Kobra told us before we left, and Ghoul was mumbling some crazy stuff in his sleep on the way here.” He ran his hand up and down his opposite arm. “Just want to make sure you’re safe and okay.”

   “Alright, now, Show Pony, let’s go get something to eat,” Dr. D vaguely gestured towards the diner. “Maybe you should get some sleep, Party. We’ll send Kobra and Jet to you, if you want.”

   I wasn’t really paying attention--I was focused on Ghoul. Was he still going to be angry at me when he woke up? Would he ever be the Fun Ghoul we had before all of this? I nodded absent-mindedly to them. “Yeah, tell them I’ll be here.”

   The two left together and weren’t gone for longer than two minutes before Kobra and Jet walked into the room. I was just standing there, in the doorway, staring at Ghoul. The two other Killjoys had to walk around me. Jet pushed me to the side a bit.

   “Well, we’re all together again,” he said lightheartedly. “No one is missing, and we’re all safe right now.”

   I looked over at him sadly. He was trying to be positive, as always, but I didn’t see how a brainwashed Fun Ghoul made him “not missing.”

   “Party, he’s got a point,” Kobra said, shoving me over. “Even if we don’t know if he’ll be okay when he wakes up, he’s here. We can make sure he _is_ okay since he’s here.”

   “I guess you’re right,” I mumbled. “But what if he never comes back? Kobra, what if the last thing I ever get of the real Fun Ghoul was him being taken away by dracs? What if-”

   “Party!” Jet grabbed my shoulders and made me face him. “There’s a whole bunch of ‘what if’s.’ We can’t focus on those!” He let go of me and looked down at Ghoul. “We’ve got to focus on making sure he’s okay because that’s what friends are for, right? We aren’t the Killjoys without him, so we’ve got to make sure he’s going to be okay.”

   He walked away from the door and sat down next to Ghoul’s feet. Whatever Kobra had injected in him was strong, it was probably the same thing they’d used on me, because he was still out like a light. It crushed me to think about what would happen to him, but Jet was right.

   Kobra followed Jet’s example and sat next to him, leaning back against the wall. They stared at me until I slowly made my way over to them. I crouched down near his head. I ran my hands through his now short hair. It felt foreign compared to the times I had got my fingers tangled in his long hair.

   “He’s going to be pissed off when he realizes his hair got cut off against his will,” Kobra stated. “We’ll never hear the end of that, I guarantee.”

   I smiled a little at that. “That’s very true,” I replied. I wanted to lean over, give him a little kiss on the forehead, but I didn’t. There was something inside of me that couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell if it was because Jet and Kobra were there or if it was the fact that I was still haunted by what he had said.

   Either way, I leaned back and sat down where I was. I fell against the wall and tilted my head back, looking up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep.


	13. Remembering Ghoul: Part One

5.

   “Party, let go! Party Poison, you need to move- No! Gerard!” There was a pause, a crash, then, “Gerard? Are you awake?”

   My hand was ripped out of Fun Ghoul’s as Jet pushed me away from where Ghoul had been sleeping. I wasn’t fully awake when the commotion started. I had grabbed Ghoul’s hand at some point that night, but as soon as he woke up and saw me, he jumped at me, ready to try killing me again.

   Kobra reached behind him and restrained him, but my fingers were still intertwined with his. While Ghoul fought against my brother, Jet tore our hands apart, helping me up and shoving me out of the room.

   We crashed out of the door, into the morning sun’s heat. A gentle breeze blew my hair into my eyes.

   “Man, are you awake?” Jet shook my arm when he asked me the question again.

   “Yeah, I’m up,” I mumbled. I stretched out my hand, and he helped me to my feet. I looked around--there weren’t any other Killjoys in the area. I looked back at Jet Star. “Jet, what happened?”

   He looked at me sadly, and I already knew what he was thinking. We were all still unsure about Fun Ghoul ever getting better. Jet just shook his head and was about to answer, but a sudden crash sounded from inside. We both went to run in, but he stuck his hand out and pushed me back.

   “I’ll send Kobra out to you, don’t worry,” he said before going inside.

   I felt useless, standing out in the sun. I couldn’t even help the other Killjoys because one of them wanted to kill me. I couldn’t help him because being near him caused him to go into a frenzy. It hurt so much think about it. Would I ever be able to be around him again?

   At that point, everything in me just broke. I screamed into the air and spun the other way. I stormed away from the building and stomped over to the Trans Am. Dr. D would say I was throwing a tantrum like a child--something he had told Ghoul hundreds of times in the past. Kobra and Jet would take pity on me, but I didn’t want any of that right now. I wanted to scream, I wanted to leave, run away.

   I hopped into the car and sat there for a few moments. I was getting ready to start it, drive somewhere, anywhere. I needed to just free myself.

   “You know being isolated isn’t going to help Fun Ghoul.”

   I jumped in my seat. I turned around to see Show Pony sprawled out in the back seat. I dropped my head onto the steering wheel, taking a deep breath.

   He leaned forward into the front. “Neither will running away from your problems.”

   “Thanks, Show Pony,” I mumbled. “Like I didn’t know that.”

   “Hey, I’m just pointing it out.” He climbed into the passenger seat.

   “Well, you’re doing great, Captain Obvious.” I leaned back into my seat. “What will solve my problems, then?”

   He shrugged and collapsed into the seat. “Beats me. I’m just here to make sure you don’t run off because we all know that definitely won’t work.”

   I shook my head. “That helped a lot.”

   “Well, if I were you,” he started, facing me and sitting cross-legged in the seat, “I would let the other guys start getting Ghoul get back to normal,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Then, eventually, he’ll be okay to see you.”

   I looked out the window. It made sense, but I didn’t like it. That meant I would have to stay away from him for a long time. It was also the best option we had.

   “Listen, Party Poison,” he leaned towards me. “I know this is really difficult. You love him and-”

   I turned sharply away. How did he know?

   “You love all the Killjoys,” he clarified, with a tone of confusion. “But you need to give it time. BLI can do some fucked up stuff to people, but I think we saved Fun Ghoul before they could do anything permanent. We’re gonna make sure he gets better.”

   I nodded, trying to keep the tears from falling from my eyes. “You’re right, Show Pony.”

   He smiled smugly. “I know.”

   I rolled my eyes and saw that Kobra was running towards us now. He slowed down and stopped at my side of the car.

   “I don’t know what the hell we did, but we must’ve said something that settled him down because he’s just sitting quietly in there now,” Kobra informed me. “It was like magic, to be real. He stopped fighting us and sat down on the floor.” He looked away, as if trying to form the next part. “I think you should come back.”

   I quickly turned my attention to him. “No, no, no. That sounds like a bad idea. You guys should help him as much as you can, then I’ll talk to him. Right, Show Pony?” I looked over at him, hoping he would back me up.

   He just looked startled and lifted his hands up in defense. “Listen, I don’t want to get in the way of this.”

   “You just said earlier-”

   “I know what I said,” he interrupted me. “But maybe you should go check on him now.”

   “Yeah,” Kobra said. “Ghoul didn’t start attacking you until he realized it was you.”

   “Thanks, that helps,” I added sarcastically.

   He slapped my shoulder and continued. “What I’m saying is, just sit in there. Both of you, so we’ll have extra help if something goes wrong.”

   “I didn’t agree to that,” Show Pony mumbled under his breath.

   “Too bad,” Kobra opened my door and pulled me out. He walked over to the other side to do the same to Pony, but he was already hopping out of his seat.

   “Fine, fine, I’ll go be backup.”

   “Alright, let’s go.” Kobra led the way for the short walk. He opened the door and walked in closely followed by Show Pony. I stayed behind just a second longer, then entered behind them.

   Jet was sitting beside Ghoul. He was quietly talking to him, as if speaking to a small, scared child. When the door closed behind me, they both looked up, Ghoul slower than Jet, so I ducked into the shadows of the corner of the room. While I didn’t want to make the whole situation worse, I did kind of want to be there--wanted to make sure Ghoul was okay.

   “Show Pony, would you do me a favor and grab something for him to eat?” Jet calmly asked.

   “Sure, no problem.”

   And the four of us were alone once again.

   Kobra looked over at the two of them with a confused look on his face. “What makes you think he’ll even eat it, Jet? He doesn’t even respond to us talking to him.”

   When my brother said that, my heart felt like it dropped to my stomach. I looked at Ghoul now. He was rocking back and forth very subtly, but I could tell. It was like when he started to sweat and shake when I ran into the glass.

   I was trying to piece together the information, there had to be something about what they did to him that would make sense as to why he was acting this way. He didn’t respond to me crashing into the glass until I’d done it a few times. Did he not hear me? Or was he avoiding acknowledging that I was there? Why would he avoid that, though?

   “Mikey,” I whispered.

   Kobra’s head popped up, and he walked over to me.

   “What?” He whispered back.

   “Tell him you aren’t going to hurt him if he talks to you.”

   “What do you mean?” He looked back over at Ghoul.

   “He’s afraid he’s going to get hurt if he talks to you or even acknowledges you. For god’s sake, he’s literally shaking in fear of it, Mikey.”

   “Okay,” he mumbled. “Okay, I’ll see if that works.”

   He walked back over to them and knelt down to the side of Fun Ghoul. “Fun Ghoul, we aren’t going to hurt you. We want you to talk to us. We miss hearing your voice.” From the corner of the room, I could tell Kobra was being as sincere as he could be.

   I saw Fun Ghoul look up at him. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then closed it quickly. He was still afraid. Just then, Show Pony came waltzing back in, carrying a piece of toast and a can of beans.

   “I found the best gourmet in all of Zone 6,” he announced, setting the food on the table.

   Fun Ghoul looked away from Kobra, and I could see the sweat glistening on his forehead.

   “Pony, get out of here,” I whisper-yelled at him.

   He turned around to me and looked appalled. “I was asked to do this.”

   Kobra nodded and pointed at Jet. “Will you and Show Pony go find Dr. D? I need to ask him a question later. If you don’t mind.”

   Jet got the hint and walked out with Pony. Kobra grabbed the food and tried offering it to Ghoul, but he refused to even look at him.

   “Alright, you don’t want the food. I’ll just set it over here,” he said, replacing the items onto the table. “Ghoul, it’s just me.” He still only looked at the wall. “I’m not going to force you to do anything. Neither will those other guys.”

   “Who’s standing in the corner?”

   My eyes went wide. Ghoul was still staring at the wall when he asked his question in a small, fragile voice, but his voice sounded like he was standing right in front of me, talking directly to me.

   Kobra let out a huge sigh of relief. Then, he chuckled a little. “That- That’s my brother. He’s not going to hurt you either. In fact, he was the one who told me to remind you that we all want the best for you, Ghoul.”

   Fun Ghoul slowly looked up at Kobra and then looked over to me. His eyes narrowed, and I thought that he recognized me and was going to jump at me, but he didn’t.

   “Thank you,” he whispered, looking back at the wall.

   Neither me nor Kobra said anything back for a few seconds until Ghoul stretched his hand out and pointed at the table. “I think I’d like that food now.”

   It broke my heart to hear him speak in such a small voice, but Kobra eagerly jumped up to bring him the food. Once he rejoined him on the floor, Ghoul slowly took a bite of the toast. As he finished the food, he continuously stole frightened glances at me, and after a while, he finally spoke up.

   “Could you please not s-stand in the dark?” he asked timidly. “They did that. The men,” he trailed off. Looking away, I could tell that he was reliving the days he was with the dracs.

   Kobra looked up at me, questioning if I’d do it. Did I risk letting him recognize me?

   I stepped forward hesitantly. He didn’t say anything, and soon enough, I was right behind the table. He looked up at me and nodded.

   “Thank you,” he mumbled again.

   I sat down in the chair, not wanting to go any closer. I didn’t want him to accidentally hurt Mikey if he was triggered to jump at me.

   After he finished eating, he looked at Kobra again.

   “Ghoul, do you know my name?” Kobra asked.

   He squinted his eyes like he could search his memory for the name. He looked away sadly and shook his head. “I feel like I should.”

   “Do you know your name?”

   “Well, you’ve been calling me ‘Fun Ghoul,’ so I guess,” he trailed off again. I could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He knew that wasn’t right.

   “Well, that’s what we call you most of the time,” Kobra said lightly. “But your real name is Frank.”

   “Frank,” he whispered. He nodded his head. Then, it seemed as if a lightbulb went off--something had finally clicked.

   He looked between me and my brother, then stopped when he was facing me again. “Gerard.”

 

 


	14. Remembering Ghoul: Part Two

4.

   I ran right after that, and kept myself busy the rest of the day, hoping no one would tell me that Kobra got attacked when Ghoul finally recognized me. That never happened, thankfully. I actually got a lot done in the time period between leaving them and crashing for the day. Jet helped me clean the Trans Am, I ate some more food, and we found out that there weren’t any dracs on their way to the destroyed base in Zone 5.

   I slept in the car after the long day because I was still avoiding going back to Kobra and Ghoul. I wasn’t sure why, but going back to them didn’t feel right in my gut. I wanted Ghoul to be back to normal and to remember me--remember us. I didn’t want him to accidentally hurt someone else because he was still under whatever influence the dracs had used.

   The next morning, I was brutally woken up by Jet Star slamming his fist on the car horn.

   “Shit! What the fuck?” I yelled as I quickly sat up. I shoved Jet’s hands out of the car and gave him a dirty look. “Was that necessary?”

   “Yeah,” he nodded his head. “I screamed your name, shook you several times, nothing worked. You were out cold, Party.”

   “I was tired,” I grumbled. “What do you want? What was so important that you had to try so hard to wake me up?”

   He gestured his hands to the diner. “Breakfast!”

   I fell back against the car’s seat and turned away from him, hoping he’d get the hint that I wasn’t hungry. “We never have time for breakfast,” I mumbled. “What makes today so special?”

   Jet sighed and started to walk away. I smiled, glad he was leaving me to sleep, but then the car door behind me opened up, and I was being dragged out of the car.

   “Ray! What are you doing?”

   “Today is special because all four of us are having breakfast together.”

   I slid out of the seat and sat on the ground in between the car and the door. I looked up at him. “All four of us?” I glanced down on my hands that were in my lap. “As in…”

   “As in the four of us,” he replied stubbornly. “Now get up, or I’ll drag you all the way inside.” He stretched out his hand to me and pulled me to my feet.

   We walked the short distance in silence. I was confused. Ghoul wasn’t going to have breakfast with us, was he? He was tough, but was he really tough enough to bounce back that quickly? It seemed impossible. That couldn’t be true. It must be the three of us with Dr. D or Show Pony or someone else. No way was it going to be Fun Ghoul.

   Jet opened the door to the diner, and boy, was I wrong. In the second booth from the door on the right side sat Ghoul and Kobra. They weren’t facing us, but they both stopped eating when the door opened as if they had been waiting. He was wearing his clothes again, not the all white outfit. The one sleeve had been sewed back on in an obviously hasty manner. Jet led me over to the table and slid in first, that way he was sitting across from Ghoul.

   I sat down, facing Kobra Kid. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile.

   “Glad you decided to join us. Jet said he couldn’t wake you for anything,” he laughed. “Then I heard the horn, and knew he’d taken my advice.”

   The two of them laughed together. Fun Ghoul stared at his toast the entire time. It wasn’t even half eaten yet, but he only idly picked at it with his fingers.

   “Asshole,” I mumbled.

   Jet and Kobra laughed again, and I saw Ghoul crack a small smile along with them.

   “So,” I sighed, looking around the diner. There were tons of people in here compared to other times. Then, I realized they were here because of Frank and me. If something terrible happened, they were going to jump into action. We couldn’t do anything. Was this how everything was going to be from now on? Could I live like this with Ghoul? We had to figure out something.

   “Party Poison, did you hear me?” Kobra snapped his fingers in front of my face.

   “What?”

   “Party…” Ghoul mumbled under his breath.

   I looked over at him, surprised that he said something at all. I realized then how much I missed his normal sarcastic remarks.

   “Party Poison,” he said, this time more angrily.

   “Shit,” Jet said under his breath.

   I looked over at him, confused, but I was quickly caught up to speed when Ghoul slammed his fists on the table, making the plates and glasses jump along with myself.

   Jet was pushing me out of the seat, and Kobra was pushing Ghoul into the wall.

   “Ghoul, we went over this, you remember Gerard,” he shouted.

   “It’s your fault!” Ghoul screamed over him. He pointed at me and fought against Kobra. “You turned around and _left_ me!” He squirmed under Kobra’s hands, trying to get around him.

   I didn’t have time to feel sad or really anything because before Jet could get me out of sight, Fun Ghoul had already sent a solid right hook to Kobra’s jaw. When Mikey fell over the back of the booth, Frank was already crawling around him to run at me.

   “Party, go!” Jet commanded.

   He was still pushing me out the door, but instead, I pushed him towards Kobra who was groaning over in the booth. “Mikey!” Jet took the step over to him and started making sure he was okay.

   “Come on, Ghoul!” I yelled. “It is my fault. You wanna take it out on me? Go ahead. Leave them out of this.”

   I felt the same way I did back in the hallway, when he first attacked me. I knew I deserved every punch. It was all on me for letting him get taken. I wouldn’t let the others get in the way of what he wanted. So, when Ghoul dove at me and pushed me to the ground, I just let it happen. I wouldn't fight him.

   We slid to the door--I felt my head hit the wooden frame--and every other time he punched me, my head would slam against it and the floor. It only lasted for a couple of seconds before the other Killjoys were pulling him off me, but I knew my face would be swollen for at least a week. The memories would last even longer.

   This time, Jet _was_ dragging me out of the diner. He helped me up once we were a few feet away and continued to pull me away. I shoved him away and stormed off. I didn’t go to the car, I just walked. I didn’t want to drive anymore. It was only a temporary fix for my ongoing thoughts. I needed to get it all out.

   I pulled out my gun and shot at a can sitting next to a nearby tree. It shot up into the air, and I shot it again. There was a sign leaning against the same tree that already had scorch marks on it, so I shot at that. I took a step closer every time I pulled the trigger until I was right in front of it. Once I was there, I just kept shooting it. If only each time I shot it, I would lose one of those haunting thoughts.

   “Party!” Jet called. He was running towards me.

   I shot it one more time, then I turned around and faced Jet, pointing my gun at him. I looked at him and saw the fear and uncertainty in his eyes. Would I do it? My chest tightened as I held in a loud sob. I sighed loudly instead and fell to my knees in the dirt. The gun slid out of my hands as my fingers went slack around it.

   Jet walked over and sat down next to me. He didn’t say anything, just sat there. He knew I was thinking too much, but I had yet to actually tell anyone anything. He didn’t pressure me into sharing. I looked over at the diner, the Trans Am, the shack.

   “I feel like I’m never going to see the old Frank again,” I whispered. “And it hurts every time he screams that it was my fault, but I know it was. I think that hurts more.” I paused. “And please don’t tell me that it’s not my fault because it really is.”

   He stayed quiet for a moment, then replied. “Okay, so it is your fault. Apologize to him.”

   “Last time I did, he almost broke my nose,” I said.

   “Listen, Party,” he got up so that we were face to face. “Ghoul is going to come back. He is actually really close, too. We think that they used ‘Party Poison’ as a sort of trigger to get him to attack. Every time we said any sort of thing like that, he’d get this wild, angry look in his eyes.”

   “That doesn’t make me feel any better, if that was what you were trying to do,” I mumbled.

   “I was getting to the feel-good part, just give me a moment,” he laughed. “He never seemed to grasp much when we called each other Jet and Kobra, either. So, we decided to just use our real names. When we did, he started to remember things, like Mikey shoving those beans down his shirt, like, three months ago.” Jet chuckled, also reliving that crazy day. “And when we mentioned your name, Gerard, he would always have a small smile on his face.

   “So, the thing is, he _remembers_ you. He knows us. He’s just got to let some of his memories match back up. It will all be okay.”

   Tears had started falling down my face, but I didn’t wipe them away. “Thank you.”

   For a while, we just sat there. We were in the shade when we first really settled down. By the time Jet started to get up, the shadow of the tree had moved away from us. “Come on,” he got up, and I followed suit. I felt really stiff once I stood up and wondered just how long we had been outside.

   We walked back over to the diner. I could hear Kobra inside, talking calmly. Ghoul had to be the one he was talking to. Why else would he be speaking like that?

   “Jet, I don’t think I’m ready,” I admitted. “That look of hatred in his eyes…” I trailed off. “That hurts more than any punch or gunshot ever will.”

   “You’re going to be okay, Gerard.” He clasped his hand onto my shoulder and ushered me back inside. There weren’t nearly as many people in here now. I guess they figured out it wouldn’t take a dozen people to restrain someone as small as Ghoul.

   We sat in the same booth as before, except now, I was sitting across from Ghoul instead of Kobra. As soon as Jet and I sat down, the four of us were eating lunch. No one said a word the entire time. Once we were done, we all exited the diner. Ghoul stood quietly at Kobra’s side.

   “Now what?” I asked.

   Kobra looked at me. “That’s usually your call, Gee.”

   I gave him a surprised look. “Oh, so we’re just going to move on with life? How the hell is that going to do anything? There’s a big problem, and we’re just going to ignore it? Pretend it didn’t happen, even though Ghoul won’t even look at me anymore?”

   “Gee, it’s not like he’s right here,” Kobra gestured to Ghoul, who was now twisting his fingers together, looking anywhere but at us. “We’re just trying to make the best of the sit-”

   “Oh, don’t you tell me we’re making the best of this situation. He was brainwashed! Probably tortured! God knows what else! It’s not like _you’re_ the one he hates! It wasn’t you who-”

   “Gee, stop! He’s shaking so bad,” Jet walked behind us and tried to get Ghoul to stop fidgeting.

   “Maybe I don’t want to stop! You know, I was captured, too! I’m freaking out just as much! I’m just not trying to kill one of you guys. My best friend wants to kill me! Don’t you think I deserve to freak out a little bit? Just a little?”

   “Gerard, I’m sorry-” one of them tried to apologize.

   “Don’t start it with me,” I cut them off and walked away. I went to the shack and slammed the door behind me. Dr. D wasn’t in here, thankfully. I walked over the corner and slid to the floor. I leaned against the wall and let myself cry. It was all I could do, and after a while, I eventually cried myself to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost done, and I apologize for slacking on updating.


	15. Remembering Ghoul: Part Three

3.

   The next morning, I groggily woke up by myself. No car horns or devastating news. I slowly opened my eyes and saw there was still no one else in the room. I guess someone must have come in at some point because I was covered in a blanket that I hadn’t had when I fell asleep. I wanted to go back to sleep and avoid the harsh truth of reality.

   Fun Ghoul would still be easily triggered to attack me. I told myself that staying hidden would decrease the chances of someone else getting hurt if he tried to jump at me--he obviously would push anyone out of his way no matter the cost. Honestly, I just didn’t want to see the hatred and betrayal in his eyes.

   I also couldn’t bring myself to see Jet Star and Kobra Kid yet. I had blown up the day before at them, and I needed to apologize. It wasn’t intentional--but the current situation, and the tension that had built up inside of me because of it, just spewed out. I couldn’t do it yet. They’d still be with Ghoul.

   Would he always hate me? No, this wasn’t really Frank. But the way he felt had to come from somewhere, right? If it had been the other way around, brainwashed or not, and someone told me he’d turned around, let me get captured, I would’ve felt betrayed and angry.

   Ghoul wouldn’t have turned around though. It would’ve been stupid, and we both probably would’ve ended up dead, but he would have stuck to his plan because he was stubborn as hell, and he cared about me. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, though. No, I do care about him.

   Then why was I sitting alone in the dark, crying over my problems instead of dealing with them? The other guys were dealing with my problems. It wasn’t right for them to be loaded down with all of that. While I built up the desire to go and put an end to my useless self-pity, I was still haunted by those memories.

   I sat and watched him get taken away after he had already been injured. It didn’t really seem like I cared about him, from an outsider’s view.

   God dammit, I was running myself around in circles in my head. Why couldn’t I just get over it? This was giving me a headache. I was thinking way too much into it. What I really needed to do was just talk. Maybe getting it out of my head would help. I needed to talk to Mikey--he was always a good listener and occasionally knew the right thing to say.

   Just as the thought crossed my mind, the door to the shack creaked open.

    _That kid can read my mind, I swear_ , I thought.

   “Gerard?” a small voice asked.

   “Shit,” I whispered.

   The door opened all the way, and I threw my head back against the wall. Maybe he didn’t hear me, and I could pretend I was asleep. I shut my eyes quickly. Sure, talking about how I felt about Ghoul would help, but talking about said issues to Fun Ghoul probably wouldn’t be that affective.

   I opened one eye and watched him. The sunlight filled the room, but he turned on the lamp anyway. He turned around and started walking towards me, so I snapped my eye shut again.

   “Oh, sorry, I thought you were awake, I’ll just,” he mumbled to himself. “I’ll just go.”

   I heard him shuffle away, but before the door could creak closed, someone else’s footsteps came closer to the room.

   “Nah, he’s definitely not asleep,” Kobra stated. I heard him take a couple long strides over to me and kicked me in the side.

   I opened my eyes and glared at him. “Asshole.”

   “I’m not the asshole this time,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

   I looked down at my knees. “I’m sorry, Mikey. Yesterday…” I trailed off, trying to think of a good way to apologize. “I didn’t mean-”

   “Save it, Gerard,” he cut me off.

   I lifted my head to look back up at him. He didn’t look angry or disappointed. He actually looked a bit hopeful.

   “I’m not the one you need to ask forgiveness from,” he paused. “And I’m not going to let you sit in here alone all day. Knowing you, you’ve probably already run yourself to the same conclusions that you’ve made all week.”

   “You can actually read my mind, can’t you?” I asked.

   “No, but you’re extremely predictable.” He kicked me again but lightly this time and with the side of his foot. “Now,” he announced loudly, making Ghoul jump and look up at him. “I’m going to go be productive with my life with Jet Star, so you’re in charge of looking after Ghoul over here.” Frank walked over to us and gingerly sat down next to me. My breathing started to pick up once he was next to me.

   “If I find out you two stayed in here all day, I’m going to be pissed off,” Kobra said, halfway out the door. “No screaming at him, _Party Poison_.” He used the name deliberately.

   Both of us on the floor flinched. I waited for the words and the punches, but when nothing happened, I looked over at Ghoul and noticed he was squeezing his eyes shut and muttering something under his breath.

   My brother was still standing at the door, holding his breath, waiting for the same impact I was. Was he just going to let Fun Ghoul rip me apart this time? Had they finally realized I deserved it? Was it the only way to save him?

   “Gee, you’re not breathing,” he said from the doorway.

   I had zoned out, but when I focused on Kobra, I saw that he was smiling brightly. It might have been the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face. I looked back over at Ghoul and noticed he was taking slow, deep breaths. His eyes were still closed, but his features were relaxed.

   “You’ve certainly got a flair for the dramatic, don’t you, Kobra Kid?” I scoffed.

   “I was hoping for that reaction,” he sighed, leaning against the door. “Alright, now I’m off.”

   Ghoul was still whispering something barely audible, and I couldn’t make it out, but it sounded like a song.

   “Kobra!” I called after him, before he could get all the way out of the door. When he popped his head back into the room, I asked, “What’s he mumbling about, though?”

   “What? Oh, it’s ‘Mastas of Ravenkroft,’ the Mad Gear and Missile Kid song,” he informed me. “It was on the radio earlier, and it just kinda worked for him, y’know what I mean?”

   “No, but okay,” I replied.

   I looked over at Ghoul as Kobra Kid finally left, closing the door behind him. He opened his eyes and looked at the desk for a few moments until he finally looked up at me.

   “So…” I looked away, searching my brain for something to say. Was I supposed to just talk about old stuff? What happened? Us? None of that seemed to be the right topic.

   “You missed lunch,” he said quietly.

   “What?” I was caught off guard. Had I slept in that late?

   “We had lunch without you, and it was strange because you’re always with us,” he looked confused for a moment, but then what he said must have clicked in his brain and made sense. “And Mikey says you’re afraid, but I’m not sure if it’s _of_ me or _for_ me, and I’m not one hundred percent on everything that’s happened over the past few days, but he said you’d tell me.”

   “Of course he did,” I mumbled.

   They all wanted us to be normal, but I had no idea what I needed to say. What if he really did hate me? What if I reminded him why he should hate me? Anything I said could set him off.

   I glanced at him, and he was looking at me with a confused expression. Did he really want to know it all? Was this just a clever scheme by Jet and Kobra to get me to talk and go back to normal?

   I sighed loudly, knowing nothing would get better in silence.

   “What’s the last thing you remember?” I asked.

   He bit his lower lip and chewed on it for a few seconds. I smiled softly remembering all the times he would do that, looking away from me so I couldn’t see him blush.

   Before we’d left for the North, I had stolen him away from everyone else. When we were alone, I told him just how much he drove me crazy. He had looked down at his feet and smiled while his lip was between his teeth. I laughed quietly when I thought about how happy we were when together.

   “What?” he asked. “Did I do something?”

   “No, no.” Were we only ever going to question what we did around each other from now on? “I was just thinking about something.”

   “Oh,” he seemed bothered by something but never said anything.

   “So, last thing you remember?”

   “Right, right,” he whispered. He closed his eyes, as if seeing a memory play on his eyelids. “Um,” he hummed, closing his eyes tighter. “Getting shot in the leg. That’s the last thing I remember before the dracs…” he shook the thought out of his head.

   I tilted my head to the side. “Do you remember anything from there?” I asked hesitantly.

   “I don’t want to,” he said.

   I didn’t want to make him relive it, but I needed to know. Did he really hate me? He looked over at me and sighed when I didn’t say anything.

   “I blacked out after getting shot in the leg. The pain got to me, and I just-” He swallowed. “Sorry, I don’t remember everything. It’s all blurry.” He waved his hands in front of his face to demonstrate what he was remembering. “I mostly remember pain, rather than memories. There was a lot of white after that, though. More pain. Mostly pain. The dracs standing in every corner, watching, waiting.” His hands shook as they sat in his lap. He stopped and pulled his legs up to his chest. He rested his chin on top of his knees.

   “Then it’s all just fuzzy and doesn’t make sense. Then, all I remember are random moments here. Eating with Mikey and Ray. Seeing you on edge. But they’re all surrounded by those fuzzy moments.” And he’s done. There’s nothing more to say.

   I get it. All those things he said, he doesn’t remember. What will he do to himself if he does remember, though?

   “Do you remember anything they told you?” I finally asked.

   He licked then chewed on his lip. He nodded slowly. “Mikey didn’t think I should tell you. He said you’d get upset.” He nodded faster. “He thinks it’ll make me angry to recall it, but I remember them saying things like, ‘Party Poison is the reason you are being tortured’ and ‘He doesn’t care,’ ‘He isn’t coming to save you.’” He started to get agitated when he said them.

   I was so certain he was going to attack me, but he didn’t.

   “They’re still there,” he pointed to his head. “I hear them tell me that. That’s all I can focus on in those fuzzy moments, and every time I do, I feel angry, and I hate it and just want it all to stop. I don’t understand why they won’t go away.” All of his words rushed together and stabbed me in the heart. “I don’t believe them, but the only way to get them to shut up is to give into the fuzziness and let some dark part of my mind take over. And every time I come out of it, I’m surrounded by people in a panic.”

   “You don’t believe them,” I repeated, letting it sink in.

   “No, I never did because it didn’t seem right in my gut,” he never looks up from the floor. “And then, yesterday, after you left us, that was the same feeling--it didn’t sit right in my stomach. So, Mikey and Ray spent the remainder of the day telling me what happened.”

   I quickly look over at him. “About what?”

   “Mikey couldn’t lose you, so he stopped you from coming after me. You drove yourself mad trying to find me, and left them behind so they didn’t slow you down. That is until you realized you couldn’t save me without help. But you were captured anyway. But in the end, you saved me and got me back home against all odds.”

   I rolled my eyes. “Did Ray tell you that?” After he nodded in response, I laughed. “He makes it seem like some heroic story. It was actually a lot of crying and bad decisions, on my end. That’s all these past few days have been.”

   “Because of me,” he added in.

   “Because I care about you and the other Killjoys, and I didn’t want any of you hurt. And I was selfish because _I_ didn’t want to get hurt, but that might have been worse for y-you.” I started tripping over my words because they were rushing out. “I was wrong,” I looked at him to find him staring intently at me. “I should’ve gone after you as soon as you fell. No, I should’ve turned us around right after you got shot the first time. You’re what I _have_  to protect because you’re the most important person in my life because I’ve been falling in love with you, and I couldn’t handle you being ripped away from me, so I did stupid things to get you back, but now I might have lost you forever because of my mistakes.”

   I started panting after my speech and was afraid I’d said too much. He didn’t say anything in return. I’d been sitting too long. I felt jittery. I acted on impulse and stood up, walked out of the shack and into the night air. Had we stayed in all afternoon? Kobra was going to yell at me later. Where had they even gone?

   I turned around and saw him and Jet sitting on the side of the shack. He had his head on Jet’s shoulder; they both were asleep. They never left, did they? How much had they heard? Should I go back to Ghoul? No, I’d said too much already. More than I’d said before the whole incident. I quickly walked over to the Trans Am and got inside. I curled up into the seat and looked up at the all the stars. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they all started to fall around me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for all the internal monologues in this chapter. And probably before this chapter... They just come naturally.


	16. Remembering Ghoul: Part Four

2.

1.

   I drove away the morning after I ranted to Ghoul about everything. I had no intention of doing anything reckless--and I left a note for Kobra Kid to read that stated that bluntly. I just wanted to avoid everything I’d confessed. I wasn’t sure if Ghoul would remember any of it, to be honest, but I knew I would.

   I was terrified I had destroyed everything. I thought I would let the other Killjoys continue what they had been doing with Fun Ghoul. They seemed to be making a lot of process with him without me there to ruin it all.

   So, I spent the whole day just a few hours South of where they were. There was nothing there to really look at, just trees and dirt and rocks. There was a lot of time to think in the silence, which is why I decided to drive back to the others late last evening as the sun was setting.

   By the time I got back, it was just past midnight. All the lights in the diner were still on when I arrived. I turned off the car and got out. I could hear muffled music coming from inside, and once I got to the door, I saw several people eating, drinking, and having a good time. Had something happened in the day I was gone? What was the need for celebration?

   I opened the door, but no one even gave me a second glance as I made my way further inside. The only one to speak to me was Kobra Kid when I walked over to the counter. Fun Ghoul was sitting between him and Jet on the stools.

   “Nice of you to show up, Party,” he said, offering me the seat next to him.

   I sat down and sighed. “Sorry about all that. I just needed to think.”

   “Yeah, I know,” he swiveled around so that we were sitting face to face. “Listen, I know I’ve been kind of harsh on you lately. You’re right, though.” He leaned in closer to me and lowered his voice. “Nothing will ever be exactly the same again, and even though that might be because of what happened to Ghoul, we should still be here for you, making sure you’re okay,” he paused and gripped my shoulder. “Because if you’re okay, then I know you’re going to make sure he’s okay. And if you’re both okay, then we’ll all be just fine.”

   “Thank you, Mikey.” I hugged my brother quickly. When I looked behind him, Ghoul was stealing short glances at us from the corner of his eye. Jet was busy talking to Show Pony and didn’t seem to notice how nervous Ghoul was.

   As I pulled away from Kobra Kid, I cleared my throat. “I had a lot of time to think yesterday, and I finally came to the conclusion that I really needed to just set everything straight. After I spent that day talking to Fun Ghoul, I felt a weight lift off me.”

   “You ran away for an entire day,” he cut in.

   “Okay, well, after I spent the day alone with my thoughts and the car, I realized there needed to be no secrets between us. They were all building up inside me and randomly boiling over. It was making me feel worse as time went on. I don’t want anything to separate us because I wouldn’t be anything without you guys.”

   Jet Star had finished turned around now and was facing me. With three sets of eyes looking at me, I tried to gather my thoughts and make them more organized before continuing. How much did I tell all of them? Did they even want to hear everything I’d been thinking about?

   “Party Poison, quit thinking about it and just tell us,” Kobra snapped me out of my thought process.

   Out of concern, I looked over his shoulder at Fun Ghoul to see how he’d react to the name. He only flinched this time. Kobra Kid had been really determined to help him, so I don’t know why it surprised me so much. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride for my brother.

   “I can’t stand feeling like Ghoul is going to hate me forever. I’m constantly worrying that if I do the wrong thing, he’s going to snap and maybe hurt one of you guys. I’m afraid I’m never going to see the old Fun Ghoul again, and that scares the shit out of me because I loved-” I paused. Maybe that was one thing I didn’t need to tell my brother and Ray.

   I cleared my throat, trying to cover up my words. I saw Ghoul look away and crack a small smile. It was one of the smallest ones I’d ever seen on his face, but it filled me with joy. I returned the smile. “I cared so much about that Fun Ghoul that I don’t ever want to lose him again, so I ran each time he seemed to go further away.”

   “Well, I’m not sure how much of ‘old Fun Ghoul’ we’re going to get back,” Kobra said, turning so that he could see him. “But I think he’s okay now. I mean, as okay as Ghoul can be.”

   “Oh, you know I’m not okay,” Ghoul gave Kobra one of his mischievous smirks and punched him in his arm.

   My smile got wider. Who knew how long this would last and what could set him off again, but for now, Ghoul was back. For a little while. Maybe it was because I was gone for a whole day. Should I be gone more often? Would it help? I didn’t want to miss out on seeing him, but if he continued to get better--become more himself…

   “Gerard!” Jet Star slapped my back. “Come on! We’re celebrating tonight!”

   He jumped off the stool and left me sitting there. “What are we even celebrating?” I asked myself.

   “Good health,” Kobra Kid chimed in before following Jet over to a booth Show Pony and a few others had occupied. Alcohol wasn’t often found in the Zones, but it seemed to make an appearance tonight. The Killjoys were all singing songs that didn’t match up and falling over each other.

   “Crazy kids,” Ghoul muttered under his breath. “You’d think someone came back from the dead, the way they’re all partying.” He slightly flinched at his own word, but quickly composed himself. “Or maybe someone just hasn’t fucked up in a day so they decided to celebrate.” His smile dropped from his face.

   “You know how I said there shouldn’t be any secrets between us?” I blurted out. I didn’t even think about what I wanted to say. I had also decided that in my day of isolation. From now on, if I was going to talk to Ghoul, I had to say what was on my heart. I didn’t want to lose him again without telling him what I felt. I might not get him back a second time.

   “Yeah, I caught that bit,” he replied sourly.

   “What?” His tone caught me off guard.

   “I guess the ‘no secrets’ rule didn’t get through Kobra Kid’s scowl.” He rolled his eyes, then he swung around on the stool to face me. He gave me a lazy smile before explaining. “Sometimes I zone out a little. Or not zone out, but forget? But I don’t realize I’ve forgotten until later? Does that even make any sense?” He looked at me expectantly.

   “Uh, yeah, sort of,” I mumbled. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Okay, not really,” I admitted.

   He huffed. “Well, I guess whatever happens, it’s because of what they did to me to only focus in on the bad stuff. Like, just earlier, I caught the first part about no secrets, but I only heard you say you’d never see the me that you--what was the wording you used--cared about.”

   “Yeah, about that,” I looked around. Kobra was sitting quietly next to Jet who was laughing at something Show Pony said. “That’s the secret I was getting to. I just didn’t want to say it in front of the others.”

   “Isn’t that still a secret, Gerard?” he sassed.

   I rolled my eyes. “I missed the sarcasm,” I whispered. I stood up, grabbed his hand, and pulled him off the stool. “Come on. It’s a lot quieter outside.” I led him out the door and into the night air.

   There were plenty of stars in the sky, and the moon was barely a crescent that night. These were the nights that always held the most memories, I was starting to notice. Most of them were pleasant. I hoped this one would be, too.

   Ghoul noticed me looking up at the sky and joined me in my stargazing. “Are the stars going to spell out your secret?”

   I lightly punched his arm, and silently hoped he wouldn’t strangle me in return. No, he wouldn’t do that. He was getting better. “No, I’m going to tell you. But I think you already know.” I looked down at my feet. These shoes were starting to tear in some places. Maybe I should fix them.

   “You’re stalling,” he called me out.

   “Right,” I looked down at him. His hair was starting to grow out. It was still short, but I knew soon enough, it would be long again. “Ghoul, I’m so afraid that I’m going to lose you again, so I don’t want to leave anything left unsaid.”

   “Then say something before I forget it all,” he joked. There was a sad look on his face after he said it. He really did need me to get going.

   “Yeah, yeah, right. I’ve got to get to the point before I ramble on.”

   “You are rambling.”

   “Yes, thanks.” I took a deep breath. “Oh, fuck, I’m shit at this.”

   He took my hand in his. “Yeah you are, but keep going.”

   I grabbed his other hand and took another breath. “I’m so afraid of losing you, hurting you, making you upset, but it’s time that I was just honest because even more all this shit happened, I held myself back. Fun Ghoul, I’ve been falling for you, and I think it’s time that I just said it. I love you, Frank.”

   He stared blankly at me. I was suddenly afraid I’d lost his focus before he’d heard me. I dropped my head. “Oh, god, I just ruined it. He didn’t even hear me,” I was mumbling to myself. “I’m so stupid.”

   I felt Ghoul lean in closer to me. I had been holding my breath in the silence, and I finally let it out. He placed his head on my shoulder and lifted his face up to see me.

   “I love you, too, Gerard,” he whispered in my ear.

   Maybe it was nerves, or butterflies, but my stomach felt like it was bubbling. “Fuck, you did hear me.” I sighed.

   He lifted his head off my shoulder and pulled away from me. He smiled at me before getting on his tip toes and kissing me on the cheek. I turned my head so that he could kiss me on the lips, which he did without hesitation.

   Our fingers separated, and he slid his hands up my arms--they stopped on my biceps. He then dug his nails into my arms and leaned on me until I started walking backwards. He pushed me that way until my back was against the wall of the shack.

   Once I hit the wall, I let out a small gasp which he stopped with his mouth. He was biting my lower lip, tugging my mouth open. Who was the lucky person who he’d kissed before me?

   All I could do was lean against the wall. I tried lacing my fingers in his hair, but it was too short to hold onto. Instead, my fingers just kept sliding through it.

   A moment passed, and then Ghoul leaned away from me, looking up at the sky, breathing heavily. “Shit, I’m so glad that happened,” he laughed.

   “Yeah, me, too,” I whispered.

   “If I can only hold on to one memory, it’ll be this one.” He collapsed onto me and breathed in. “God, Gee, you smell like,” he scrunched up his face on my chest, thinking about his next words. “Like sweat and dirt and home. And I love it because it’s not clean.”

   I put my chin on top of his head as we leaned on the shack wall. Even if the stars fell, I don’t think the night could be better.

   The celebration went on all night inside the diner, but the real festivities took place right outside, under the night sky, where the scents of the desert mixed in the air to remind me that dirt and love were the remnants of us in the Zones.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. It's been a long journey, and I'd love feedback! Tell me what you loved, what you disliked, what you wonder, I want to know it all! Also, I apologize for all the stream of conscious writing I did in this story. It wasn't really intentional, but I really didn't want to rewrite those parts. The next fic I'll be posting is another Kellic (that I've already started!). Thanks, guys! xoleighbird


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